Who Else Likes Trades?!?!

This guy does, cause he got out of Milwaukee. However, in bat$**t crazy news, the New Jersey Nets have decided to trade Richard Jefferson to Milwaukee for Yi Jianlian and Busty Busterson Bobby Simmons. If you ask Milwaukee right now, they love trades. They got RJ for 300 million Chinese fans basically. If Yi really and truly hated it there (like he said he was going to and his agent said he was going to and everyone else besides Bucks ownership said he was going to), then I'll be pretty excited to see what he will do in New Jersey.

I think New Jersey will give Yi a chance to be on the receiving end of better team basketball, which will help him grow considerably more than he would watching Michael Redd shoot. Personally, I don't think Yi is a bust. If he was going in that direction, he would look more like Wang Zhi Zhi by now. As far as Most Improved Player '05 Bobby Simmons goes, I don't know what he brings to the table for New Jersey. They have such a glaring need for 6'6" combo guards I guess.

As far as Milwaukee goes, they stole an All-Star. Does this get them closer to contending in the East? No it sure doesn't. Does this give them an out in the Get-Rid-of-Yi-Amicably game? Yes it does. So happy trails RJ, good luck with that franchise, and I'll have fun playing Association mode in NBA 2K9 with your squad; I'll have you contending by 2011, and I'll bring you more superstars. You can take solace in that.

Who Likes Trades?!?!

This guy does. Finally the reality show we all know as the National Basketball Association ends it's go to challenge Point Guard Wars as the Toronto Raptors have completed a trade (in principal) which sends point guard (questionable title) T.J. Ford, center Rasho Nesterovic, a player to be named, and the #17 pick to the Indiana Pacers for forward/center Jermaine O'Neal.

It seems like everyone's loving this deal so far, but I'm wondering when we went back to 1997 because that sounds like an awful lot of chips to deal for 2 degenerative knees. Regardless of what anyone thinks O'Neal's value is, the deal is still fairly good for Toronto. Great for Indiana, they're getting another pick to rebuild with and they don't have to worry too too much about the point guard situation (although I would never deal for a point guard if I had Travis Diener on the books). Jermaine O'Neal healthy gives you about 15/7. Next to Chris Bosh, that might become 15/9. I almost compare it to the deal that went down for that other O'Neal a while ago, because you're not necessarily getting him for the stats he brings, but the presence. Just having the 2 of them down there makes other teams have to consider more when they go up against them for the 40 games that he's healthy. Plus there is a lot of piece of mind involved in knowing who your franchise point guard is (well deserved) instead of having a weird tandem that has never really worked out for you in the first place. Good show Pacers and Raptors, you've started Draft Day out very nicely. Now excuse me, I have to hang up my Jose Calderon FatHead.

Update: Apparently the deal isn't a DONE deal until July 1st; T.J. Ford's deal has a compensation tag that has to come off the books, and dudes need physicals.

Paul Pierce Used to Be Sad; Signs Now Point to Glad

So this happened last night. Apparently Paul Pierce blew his knee out. Sprained meniscus was the word. But suddenly, taking a page out of Penny Marshall's book (insert Awakenings joke here), Paul Pierce wasn't hurt anymore. Did he realize that he looked like a sissy on national television (insert Dwayne Wade cry pic here)? Was it Brian "Mix-Tape Assassin" Scalabrine's breath? No, it was neither of these. The answer is, Christ loves Boston sports and saved Paul Pierce.

I know I know, I sound ridiculous, but I think it's true. I've read enough Bill Simmons to have seen this apocalypse coming. I don't know about you guys, but this Finals has been tough to sink my teeth into; sure I predicted this outcome, but do I like either of these teams? Sure don't. Are any of my NBA man-crushes participating? Sure aren't. So after simultaneously celebrating my wedding anniversary and Jor's foray into matrimonial bliss on Florida's gulf coast,
I wasn't particularly psyched about going back to everyday life, which included this seven game series. Either way, it's still going on and Boston still won last night, and Paul Pierce may be the reason for that.

After getting smashed by his own teammate (Kendrick don't!!!), collapsing to the ground, and hearing something pop, Pierce had to be carried off the floor by Brian Scalabrine (G.O.A.T.) and Tony Allen and taken out back for a Derby Salute, when Jesus touched his face and said,

"It's ok Paul, go back out there and win it for me."

Then Up Where We Belong started playing and Pierce scored 11 of his 22 points while running the Boston Marathon, and ghost writing fresh rhymes for B-Scala. And then he did it; He won it for Jesus. Seriously though, the Big Three made their presence known by scoring 65 of Boston's total 98 points (Garnett 24, Pierce 22, Allen 19). Rajon Rondo put together a nice game as well, finishing with 15 points, 5 rebounds, and 7 assists. On the Lakers' side, the usual suspects played some basketball as Kobe finished with 24 points and 6 assists, D-Fish had 15 points and 6 assists, Lamar Odom had 14 points and 6 rebounds, and Pau Gasol had 15 points, 8 rebounds, and 4 assists. The Lakeshow definitely suffered from their lack of dance, as Ronny Turiaf was depressed.

So in summary, Round 1 goes to the Celts. I still stand behind my dish and say L.A.'s going to get on Kobe's shoulders and take this series. Don't be surprised next holiday season when you're looking at a nativity scene, and you notice one of the three wise men is wearing a green headband, a number 34 jersey, and throwing gang signs; Jesus loves Paul Pierce. Oh and congratulations NBA, I care now.

Holy Crap That Was Fast: Mike D'Antoni and the Suns Just Broke Up

As a Suns guy, this actually makes me sad, but word is that the Phoenix Suns are done with former coach of the year and mustache rocker Mike D'Antoni.

During last night's post game press conference, D'Antoni was mum about his status with the team, keeping focus on the team and his pride in them. However, upper management seems to be ready to cut ties with the man who made the eight-second-offense sexy again. Game 5 in the Spurs/Suns series marked the third time in four seasons in which Phoenix was ousted from the playoffs by San Antonio, so I can see the logic in management's win now/something has to change move.

Since D'Antoni has 2 years left on his contract with Phoenix, any team that wants to discuss employment of his services needs to ask for permission. Chances are it won't, but this could play out like the day after a bad batch of Isiahcorn. Most see this as a possible reunion with Colangelo-lite, since it's likely that Toronto Raptors coach Sam Mitchell will get the boot, but Chicago and the Knicks are both out there, so they can't be counted out.

Will Phoenix be able to replace greatness? Who knows, but there's always this.

SHIRTLESS!!

Larry Brown Enjoys Coaching

(cue old timey music and bumbling police officers with no guns)

Larry Brown is old. He was born the same year that Elmer Fudd made his debut in the short film Elmer's Candid Camera, also the same year that 2 guys named Adolf and Benito met up in the Alps and decided to form some sort of Axis or something or other to wage war on France and the United Kingdom. He also shares a quality that many people over the age of 65 do, and that is an unadulterated hatred toward young people. Which is why there's some upsetting news out of Philadelphia; Larry Brown has resigned as vice president of the Philadelphia 76ers. Why is this so upsetting you ask? Because he has done so with the intention of pursuing a college or NBA coaching job.

The Sixers organization has undergone some changes with the firing of former team president and maker of poor desicions Billy King, which some feel is the reason for Brown's change of heart. HOWEVA, we all know why this is happening, Larry Brown enjoys making money, and teams enjoy paying him; his stint with Philadelphia was actually the longest he's been in one place in his entire career. This will not dissuade NBA Brass though, oh no, they can be easily be blinded by 1 championship in 25 playoff appearances.

He's most recently interviewed with the Grizzlies and is rumored to have been offered a job to coach at Princeton, but with the vacancies we'll probably be seeing in the next couple of weeks and months, he'll surely be in talks with Chicago, Charlotte, Miami, and of course, THE KNICKS. Let's everyone put in a collective prayer that that happens, because that would be the sweetest candy.

David Stern Hates Your Kids

No matter how well they can ball, or how much money they "turned down" from boosters, your kid may have to stay in school for a tad bit longer instead of buying you a new house after getting that rookie deal fresh out of college.

It appears that NBA Commissioner David Stern and NCAA president Myles Brand are coming to terms on a new proposal that states that players will be required to stay in college for at least 2 years before declaring themselves eligible to be drafted into the NBA. The NBA Players Association has yet to approve this proposal; but there will be many more discussions and future "what's in it for us" type talks before the wheels are truly in motion.

Currently, the only standing rule regarding incumbent players in the NBA is the age limit, which is 19 years, and was placed through the standing collective bargaining agreement which is set to expire for the 2010-11 season; when it will be reevaluated but most likely adopted again due to its current favorable results. But who is this rule really for? The NBA obviously wants it because the youth movement has most recently been knocked for its lack of fundamentals, lack of basketball experience at a higher level, and the innate immaturity that comes with being a teenager/early twenty year old. The NCAA wants it because of the grand exposure that comes along with being a Kevin Durant or Greg Oden, and what that brings to your school. The kids will say that this proposal is a bad thing, and hurts their ability to save their families, or help themselves out of bad situations right away, but this proposal is for them, and it could really be the best decision they never had to make on their own.

Is anyone that comes out of college as a freshman ready to do any job, let alone be in the public limelight 24/7, and play a demanding game every day for months on end at the highest possible level it can be played? Just like any job, no manager would hire someone without relevant experience, and I think that the NBA is trying to do the same thing. They'd much rather see a consistent body of work than a flash in the pan that had a super nice year and completely fail at the next level. This gives college players the chance to play basketball at a higher level, experience the ups and downs of tournament play, which is the closest thing to NBA Playoff basketball that they'll see, and have a real opportunity to decide whether playing basketball is the career that they really want to undertake. Sure it's the sexy pick, but maybe Pat Garrity always wanted to be an ambassador to France, and he never got to because he was blinded by the flashy NBA and totally missed that chance to get his degree in political science. I totally understand where both sides are coming from, but the concern that someone will miss out on the next great player is what will keep this rule from going through.

I'm just saying NBA, there are some college freshmen that have eaten cereal with beer instead of milk. I'm just saying.

Wait Time Out... You Want to Retire?!?!

See what I did there with that title? This morning, Chris Webber is going to be calling a press conference to announce his retirement. As the picture to the right attests (w00t George Lynch!), Webber always knew how to capitalize on opportunities to make big plays. Oh let me stop!

Growing up in Orlando, I was very familiar with Chris Webber after my Magic took him first overall in 1993, subsequently trading him to Golden State for Penny Hardaway and 3 future first rounders. When he was a freshman in college, I was 11 years old, and completely caught up in the Fab Five; I started wearing the longest basketball shorts I could find, and decided that being Like Mike was no longer necessary, I could be a bruiser and control the paint, and that was way more fun than being THE GUY to me for some reason (maybe because I couldn't and still can't dribble, and I'm worthless on offense). I bought his Golden State jersey, and I thought he would be the future of the power forward position in the NBA. Ok maybe that didn't work out like I thought it would, but I was 13, Kurt Cobain was everywhere, my girlfriend had just gotten 2nd place on Nickelodeon's Guts, I mean it was a year that saw the release of Myst, Doom, Secret of Mana, and Star Fox, it was euphoria.

Today marks the end of a career that surprisingly puts him in the company of only 5 other guys who averaged at least 20 points, 9 rebounds, and 4 assists; a list that includes Wilt Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor, Larry Bird, Billy Cunningham, and Kevin Garnett. That is surprisingly impressive for a guy who came in to the league as a beast, and is leaving it a hobbled pass first big man. Don't get it twisted, he is nice with the passing, but I'm gonna miss the inappropriate time out calling, second degree assaulting, arrest resisting, marijuana possessing, gambling ring assisting, Tyra Banks dissing, 2 Much Drama recording, Mayce Edward Christopher Webber III.

Hey Chris Bosh is Back! Oh Yeah and Miami is AWFUL.

After a 10 game hiatus, Blane Harrington Chris Bosh made his return for the Toronto Raptors last night, with a safe and modest 8 points, 8 rebounds, and 1 block in 23 minutes on the floor. Why does this matter you ask?

That's why. The Canadasaurs thrashed the Miami Heat in a 96-54 rout, which was reminiscent of NES fisticuffs with Michael Tyson (I mean he could knock you down in one hit, how is it fair?). This was a basketball game that just dripped with amazing, as Rasho Nesterovic got 31 minutes (not a joke) and finished with 12 points. Double digits! The always fantastic shooting Canuckaeopteryxes had another retarded night from the floor, shooting 54%, and a bananas 53% from behind the arc. Jose Calderon continues to make his case for most improved player with 10 points, 10 assists, 5 rebounds, and 4 steals, only turning it over once.

But lets look at some better numbers shall we? Miami shot 25%. That's awesome. I'd like to give a round of applause to a team that managed to compile the third lowest game point total for any team in any game since THE SHOT CLOCK WAS INTRODUCED. That was 54 years ago. A team that couldn't come out to play, because they had already done that once this month.

"We left everything in Milwaukee," Miami Heat head coach Pat Riley said. "We just didn't have enough firepower, enough manpower."

Damn right you didn't have enough manpower, you had like 10 DNP's. Congratulations to a team that scored 10 points in the second quarter, and 9 points in the fourth. Mapleleafadon swingman Joey Graham tied Miami's point total in the fourth by himself, which is awesome because Joey Graham is average. Which even further cements the point that Miami is below average. The icing on the cake? Udonis Haslem is now shut down for the year; he'll have surgery to repair a bone spur in his ankle, which sounds like it feels really great. So to sum the whole thing up:

Joey Graham > Miami Heat

DeShawn Is Tired of YOU!

As far as I can confirm, DeShawn Stevenson likes 3 things; money, hoes, and defense. In the last night's 101-99 victory over Cleveland, LeToya Luckett's fiance Farrah Franklin's boy toy Stevenson had 13 points, 5 assists, and 3 steals in 39 minutes of play; not too shabby.

The story of the night though is not the things he does like (the aforementioned money, hoes, and defense, as well as guns, statutory rape, and fights), but what he doesn't like, i.e. Lebron James. According to Washington Post blogger Ivan Carter, one guy with 2 capital letters in his first name is fed up with the better guy with 2 capital letters in his first name.

"At the end of the first quarter, after James missed a layup while he was defended closely by Stevenson, James starting barking in Stevenson's direction. I was sitting at the press table not all that far from James but couldn't make out his exact words because the crowd at the VC was actually loud for once but they weren't friendly.

Stevenson wasn't backing down.

Afterward, he talked about how the Cavs tried to punk the Wizards and how he's tired of it.
'I was just trying to get up under his skin and make him think about me playing, competing and talking trash. I played with Raja Bell in Utah and I take a lot of things from him. He's a great defender. Sometimes you gotta do that with those guys. Those guys play guys that are scared of them all day so sometimes, you gotta get under their skin and talk some trash and tonight, I tried to do that.'"

I learned all my best stuff from Raja Bell too. Afterward, Stevenson was heard saying to Post reporter Mike Lee about Cleveland's Messiah,

"He's overrated, And you can say I said that."

This is what happens when average role-players get their heads gassed after a decent performance. Not good, DECENT. It was a team effort; all of Washington's starters finished with at least 10 points, not to mention 15 and 10 coming from Darius Songaila and Nick Young respectively off the bench. On top of that, Caron Butler made his anticipated return to the squad, and played almost 42 minutes, which is a huge shot in the arm for that team. Even so, King James had 25 points, 7 boards, and 7 assists, which is much closer to a triple-double than Stevenson has ever seen. So really, if LBJ was overrated, he would've been shut down by you, because you are supposed to guard him. I mean isn't that fundamentally the goal of defense? Does that mean your defense is overrated? To me, you have to be better than average to start handing out overrated blasts, especially to someone who is the future of the game. You know who's overrated? Eddy Curry. Ben Wallace. Jermaine O'Neal. Let's put it into perspective here, I'm a good looking guy, but you don't see me throwing overrated blasts at Justin Timberlake; it's just not my place. I mean look at how fresh he dresses!

POOKIE DON'T!

Today 11 wins became enough for the Miami Heat. Dwayne Wade's 2008 campaign came to a close this afternoon, as he's decided to undergo therapy for his knee that will sideline him for the rest of the year. According to Wade, he's been feeling pain just getting out of bed, and had no intention of cutting back his minutes, so this was the next logical, and expected step that the '06 Finals MVP would take.

"I'm just trying to get ready to opt out stay positive right now," Heat forward Shawn Marion said. "All you can do, really."

Stay positive, Matrix, stay positive. D-Wade is supposed to have OssaTron treatment, which sounds like a drink that a Transformer would drink while enjoying one of Rigel 7's private holobeaches, but is really some very sophisticated form of shock wave therapy. As a matter of fact, it's so sophisticated, that apparently you go through about 30 minutes of it, then you can't train for 30 days. Wade will be able participate in "passive exercise", which is limited to light activity such as swimming or bicycling.

The good news is that Pookie wants to participate in Olympic basketball, which is a promising notion for Heat fans since he will be rehabbing as best as he possibly can to get in shape to play with those guys in August. Really, I rate this injury about a 5. It was pretty much known something like this was going to happen by now anyway. Pookie likes being hurt, I'm convinced of it. I like his style though, getting paid to get shot in the knee with painful shock waves is my bag too. This is a good thing Miami, the Beasley Bus is coming, HOP ON!

Spurs Get In Under the Gun

At the close of the deadline, I'm proud of our Association GM's. We're always complaining about how no one has the balls to make moves (Otis Smith), but we've seen some pretty nice movement this season. I think it's fairly safe to say (is it ever safe?) that we're not going to see much more if anymore dealing before the 3PM deadline, but last night we saw the Seattle Storm trade the coveted 4th pick in the WNBA draft to the Detroit Shock for the dominant perennial all star Swin Cash San Antonio Spurs deal a Bazooka Joe comic Fransisco Elson, Brent Barry, and their 2009 first round draft pick to the Seattle Supersonics for veteran (35 years old? Really?) C/F Kurt Thomas.

Like Ruben Studdard's recording contract, this deal is minimal, but has some sort of impact for someone somewhere. Elson and Barry's deals are expiring, so the Sonics are getting significant cap room for offseason dealings, and coupled with the trade exemption cash they got for Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis they should do well with that. But really, the deal gets done mainly for San Antonio's 2009 first round pick. I get that Seattle's blowing it up, but are you hoping that you can get a guy who can come in and play now with a super late first round pick? I know a boy can dream but damn Sam Presti, that's some dream. The only feasible explanation I can see for them being excited about a pick like that is the ability to deal it somewhere else; they have 2 picks in the first round for the next 3 years, which is more than enough to make some selections as well as have some nice trade bait.

Thomas should see plenty of playing time with San Antonio, he fits right in with that veteran/journeyman mentality that seems to work so well with the Spurs (Michael Finley, Robert Horry, Jacque Vaughn, Damon Stoudamire, Bruce Bowen, damn who on your team isn't old!?!?!), he'll compete with Fabricio Oberto for the starting job (yes he may start), and will easily be able to contribute and help them win now. How much I'm not sure, but there were plenty of teams that were taking a good look at Kurt Thomas for themselves, so the rich get richer while Durant shoots more. Next stop Oklahoma City!

Second Half Preview: Attack of the Clones The New Batch PART DEUX

Sorry guys, it's not a post about that hot piece Valeria Golino, nor is it about her sexy counterpart Charlie Sheen, sorry ladies, but alas, it is not 1993, and there's no longer a Kelly Kapowski poster on my wall, BUT IT'S MY NBA SECOND HALF PREDICTIONS OH YEAAAAAAH!!!!

Damn he's awesome.

Anyway, here goes.

G.L. Rawx's Predicted Standings, Awards, and Random Stuff:
**Denotes Division Winner, *Denotes playoff team

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Atlantic Division

1) Boston Celtics**

2) Toronto Raptors*

3) New Jersey Nets

4) Philadelphia 76ers

5) New York Knicks

Central Division

1) Detroit Pistons**
2) Cleveland Cavaliers*

3) Chicago Bulls*

4) Indiana Pacers
5) Milwaukee Bucks

Southeast Division

1) Orlando Magic**

2) Atlanta Hawks*

3) Washington Wizards*

4) Charlotte Bobcats

5) Miami Heat

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Northwest Division

1) Utah Jazz**

2) Portland Trailblazers*

3) Denver Nuggets*

4) Seattle Supersonics

5) Minnesota Timberwolves

Pacific Division

1) L.A. Lakers**

2) Phoenix Suns*

3) Golden State Warriors

4) Sacramento Kings

5) L.A. Clippers

Southwest Division

1) Dallas Mavericks**

2) San Antonio Spurs*

3) New Orleans Hornets*

4) Houston Rockets

5) Memphis Grizzlies

Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant

I don't see how anyone could state otherwise. His 19.4 points with 4.1 boards, 2.3 assists, and 1.1 blocks in 33 minutes a game are pretty strong, with the closest to him being Al Horford with a decent 9 point 10 board average.

Most Improved Player: Jose Calderon

'06-'07 Stats: 8.7 PPG, 5.0/1.4 APG/TOPG, 52% FG
'07-'08 Stats: 12.9 PPG, 8.9/1.6 APG/TOPG, 55% FG
That assist to turnover ratio is RETARDED.

MVP: Kobe Bryant

Kobe's game is evolving again, and now that he passes the ball people will notice his all around play, and remember that even with what he does with the ball, he still plays fantastic defense.

Coach of the Year: Doc Rivers

The Celtics are really just that good. I don't think they lose 15 games, and anyone who can coach those 3 guys and keep them all happy deserves to be recognized. Plus when Rajon Rondo is playing GOOD basketball, someone must be applauded.

NBA Finals Outcome: L.A. Lakers over Boston

THF Announcement: We Hate Hackers

Some of you might have been shocked to see that overlying concept of the site has jumped from basketball fanaticism to anatomy 101. FALSE! Today someone hacked into one of the images on the site and changed what was once a very innocent image of a house crumbling (to represent Isiah Thomas' Knicks foundation) to a man doing bad things with his "little guy".

Yes...that "little guy".

We apologize to anyone who might have seen this image and assure you that all measures have been taken to ensure this never happens again.

On a funny side note, the incident caused G.L. Rawx to have this phone conversation with his wife:

Anna: Did you see there's a penis on your blog?
G.L.: Is it mine?
Anna: Nope, sorry.
G.L. : :sigh: Oh well.

~The Staff

My Brush With Death: Lakers v. Magic

There's your proof folks, J.J. Redick played Association Basketball tonight. However, the Wrath of J.J. was not enough, and the Magic fell to the Lakers, 117-113. J.J. was nothing short of Redickulous, finishing with with 2 points on 2-2 free throws, no field goals in 3 attempts, and 1 rebound in his 7 minutes of play. And you wonder why you haven't seen him all year! Although he did do something awesome, sharing a double technical foul with Sasha Vujacic, in a squabble that would've been the most fantastic fight ever. Orlando set a team record with their most points ever in a quarter with 44, in an action packed first quarter that saw them go 7 of 9 from three point range. It was all for naught though, as Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu eventually got in foul trouble, and Kobe was Kobe scoring 36 points, grabbing 10 rebounds, and dishing out 6 assists in a great showing that also saw Pau Gasol finishing with 30 points and 9 boards.

This wasn't the real story though folks, oh no. I'm a heckler. I have been told that I'm quite good at it, so I guess it's sort of a passion of mine. However, I'm not an ass, I don't usually curse (too much), especially when there's kids around, and I don't take ANYTHING personally, just like the players don't or shouldn't. I was ready to boo and heckle the various objects of my affection; Vladimir Radmanovic, Sasha Vujacic, and just to prove that I'm not a racist and I don't only hate Slavic people, Luke Walton. ESPECIALLY Luke Walton, I hate that tool. Saying that, know that I don't have a problem with Kobe Bryant. I actually like Kobe Bryant, he's one of my favorite players to watch. He's a special player; we all know that, and I respect the hell out of him.

Because of that, I don't heckle Kobe Bryant. Maybe I've given him a raz here or there, saying that he doesn't deserve Vanessa and she should come home with me, but that's because it's true, not because I don't like him. One thing about Kobe that's different from any NBA player I've ever seen is his fan base. They are rabid for him. They live and die by him. They support him through anything, and they never root against him. They are slaves to him, contractors working on his Death Star. I should've thought of this before I made a mistake, I decided to heckle him.

This dude behind us was the quintessential Kobe fan. He was hilarious through the first few quarters, chanting MVP when Kobe got to the line or made a play, and he sounded very large. Now I had been on fire all game, professing how I trusted my life to Keith Bogans, calling Hedo an All-Star, and yelling "you're so wack" at Luke Walton. We were behind about midway through the 4th, and Kobe got to the line, so I threw out a "Remember Colorado!" blast, and Bernie Mac behind us went bananas. Kobe of course made the shot because he shoots 84% from the line, and homeboy shouts,

"That Colorado sh** don't phase him, HE BEAT THAT CHARGE!"

Now my good friend Magic Man and I found this hilarious, because we know he beat the charge; he was on the court playing wasn't he? Apparently I thought it was 2003, because he still kept yelling about how Colorado was "old news" and "he beat that charge". He wasn't going to let me say something like that about "his boy". So the game then got more out of hand, and he kept yelling about this being "how the West was won" and how Kobe was "sending us home". Then when people started filing out of the arena, he asks why everyone's leaving cause the game's not over.

We were tempted to turn around and shake the guy's hand and congratulate him on the victory, but with the way the guy caught feelings over my heckle, you would think he was Jellybean Bryant himself. So we didn't, and we just left, lucky to be alive because he sounded like he was going to KILL me. So let this be a lesson folks, Kobe fans catch feelings over basketball. 24 is life, DO NOT heckle him. Oh and one more thing, Jonathan Silverman was at the game. We tried to start a Weekend At Bernie's chant, unfortunately to no avail. If any of you ever meet Jonathan Silverman, please apologize to him on my behalf; I should've done more.

Please Don't Fake the Funk on a Nasty Dunk, I Don't Think My Heart Can Take It.

Yay dunk contest! It's this thing that happens during all-star weekend that used to be awesome, and is now just alright, but we still watch it because we replay J.R. Rider (yeah I called him J.R.) doing the East Bay Funk in our heads over and over ad nauseum, praying that someone will do something sweet and not wack or boring. Participating in the contest are the incumbent Gerald Green, Rudy Gay, Dwight Howard (Jesus Christ), and Jamario Moon, the lone rookie in the event.

Rudy Gay's been coming strong with his campaign; he's been all over YouTube having fans post suggestions for his dunks, and there's a bunch of them out there. Some are trash, some are GREAT, but we've seen a lot of acrobatics from him, and he has managed to make Luis Scola look less sexy, which is hardly a simple feat.

Dwight's been pretty quiet; he claims he's got some "tricks up his sleeve" and he did make a surprisingly unfunny campaign video, but we saw the highly underrated sticker dunk, we saw the kiss the rim dunk in practice, so we know what he's capable of, and there's been speculation about him raising the freaking hoop to dunk on a 12 footer (the NBA wouldn't let him last year).

Jamario Moon's sort of the wild card in this since he's the only rookie, but people are abuzz about him, and many have picked him to win. He's got a very natural, effortless looking flight, and his campaign video is my favorite out of all of them. Plus he was a freaking Globetrotter, and those dudes dunk terduckens while jumping over hookers snorting coke off of Meadowlark Lemon's chest; they're ready for anything.

Lastly but certainly not least, returning champ Gerald Green, is ready to make people remember why he won it last year. He's even responded to Rudy Gay's request for dunk ideas with a sick one of his own. I like Gerald Green because he's been pretty much invisible (12 mins a game?!) all year, and so far I haven't heard anyone say they think he'll win, even though he's the champ. Usually guys hear things like that and get mad and do crazy things, not Rae Carruth crazy, but crazy enough to win.

What's pretty fresh about this year is that in the Final Round, the fans will be able to vote on each finalist's 2 dunks, and that score will be combined with the judges' votes to determine the winner. Usually I'm against fans voting for anything, but in this case it's ok; dunks are pretty universal and people will vote for who they like. Right now, there's not a clear favorite to me, you have Rudy Gay, the cocky jock who doesn't even have to think up his own dunks, Dwight Howard, the clean cut straight man who will be victorious when the crowd starts playing little hand drums in rhythm, Jamario Moon, the mysterious bad boy with an attitude and a cold stare, and Gerald Green, the former champion that knows it's still his game to win, but can't stop grasping at the past. Oh my God do you see what I just did there? Somebody get John Hughes on the phone right now, It's a hit!

So who wins it? I personally like Dwight Howard, because it's hard to vote against the Messiah, but I digress. Now you can all thank me for forcing you to do YouTube searches for Harold Miner dunks!

BREAKING NEWS: Let's Make a DEAL! I'll Take the Aging Big Man and the Retarded Contract Behind Door Number 2 Monty

Let me start by saying I never thought I'd say this deal's getting done, but this deal's getting done. All preliminary reports say that Shaquille O'Neal is going to be moved to the Phoenix Suns for Shawn Marion and a horribly expensive contract point guard Marcus Banks.

This deal looks sort of crazy on paper, but let's delve a bit deeper. We know why it makes sense for Miami, they get The Matrix, and they get to move Shaq's contract so they can still make their prophesied "splash" this summer, due to Jason Williams' $8 million and Ricky Davis' (Andre 3000) $6 million coming off the books; and with the record they'll finish with this year, their upcoming draft should go pretty well too. Phoenix on the other hand, gets to move Banks' and Marion's contracts, which is a blessing for them, but they get to pick up Shaq's ($40 million over 2 years left), which doesn't fix their luxury tax issues, and Banks is a point guard, already a position that the Suns are light on. So what good does this trade do Phoenix?

One thing it does is lets Amare Stoudemire go to the power forward position, which is his natural position, and which is GREAT for him in the West because teams will have match-up nightmares against him. Think of when they play against their rival San Antonio Spurs, and Popovich has to decide which guy Duncan guards, and who ever Big Fundamental's not on will get to take advantage of Fabricio Oberto (LL Cool Fab) and Fransisco Elson. Stoudemire's a bruiser that can dominate inside, yet his finesse, quickness, and athleticism is something the majority of Western big men have trouble defending. That in and of itself makes the deal pretty sexy.

Plus when Nash leaves, Amare is the leader whether anyone likes it or not, and Kazaam's not a bad guy to learn about being "the man" from. They also like the idea of Boris Diaw being Shawn Marion Lite at small forward, which he can do with his size, shot, and athleticism, and really, Marion was bringing the team down with his "I'm the Matrix when I want to be attitude" and his whining about playing second and sometimes third fiddle to Nash and Stoudemire (for more information on this, check out Jack McCallum's fantastic book Seven Seconds or Less: My Season on the Bench with the Runnin' and Gunnin' Phoenix Suns).

Overall, I like the deal. Miami probably won't be able to keep Marion due to his opt-out clause, but playing with Dwayne Wade changes people. Marion may become a vegetarian and start going to Pilates, or maybe even beat Dragonforce on Expert (the child in that video is not a real person, I'm convinced). So for all we know, he may want to stay there, and that could make Miami dangerous. Shaq may be a bit of a paper tiger, but he's still a low post threat which can draw double teams, and Nash can completely exploit that. Hopefully, this can be the blossoming of Boris Diaw that we've all been waiting for, and maybe Amare will grow up a bit and take it to that next level going from high quality big man to elite big man, because he's really really close and this might be exactly what he needs.

Return of the Meerkat, Who Cares?

Daniel Plainview certainly doesn't, he's way too busy drilling for oil. And last time I checked, neither does anyone else, but Jameer Nelson is set to make his return for the Magic tonight against Miami.

From Brian Schmitz of the Orlando Sentinel:

Nelson has missed the past five games after straining a tendon in his right foot.

He practiced Tuesday at RDV Sportsplex and said afterward his playing status would be determined "how it feels tomorrow morning.

"That will determined whether I've given it enough rest. But we're going to try Wednesday."

Nelson said the foot has been bothering him for a while and he re-aggravated the injury Jan. 16 in Charlotte, N.C. when the Magic played against the Bobcats. He has not played since then.

Carlos Arroyo has started in Nelson's place --- and the Magic have gone 4-1 with Arroyo as the starting point guard.

Now maybe it's just me, but I can't stand Jameer Nelson. It's not personal, and it's not like he's that bad of a player, he's just not good enough. I understand he got his extension, so really he's not going anywhere anytime soon, but is this the guy that we're stuck with? Seriously? According to the Orlando Sentinel's Tim Povtak, maybe not...

The Orlando Magic missed the opportunity to grab Jason Williams at the start of his NBA career. They will have the chance to get him at the end.

Williams, 32, is the Miami Heat point guard who becomes a free agent this summer, already telling friends that he would love to finish his career in Orlando, where he has made his home since leaving the University of Florida 10 years ago.

That's what the hell I'm talking about. Freaking White Chocolate. Flashy passes, ridiculous tattoos, and THE ABILITY TO RUN AN OFFENSIVE SET WITHOUT TURNING THE BALL OVER. And really, do we ask anything else of a point guard? If Cleveland can make it to the finals without one, we could kill it with J-Will! I mean this could possibly get done; Arroyo and Dooling's deals are up, and Otis Smith has made it clear that there is no validity to the rumors that Damon Stoudamire is an option, so why not!

Seriously though the guy's a vet, and he could bring some valuable experience to the table at the point guard position, something we haven't seen since Stevie Franchise was here. He's also a pretty competent basketball player who was quite good in his prime, and has shown that he can be quite good when he needs to be.

I'm starting my campaign now, please Otis, for the love of all things holy, bring this man in. Gortat needs a mentor, and I need to know that there is a possibility that I could possibly be in a position where I may be getting drinks with freaking Jason Williams and Marcin Gortat. I mean my wedding day was pretty good, but drinking with GORTAT?!?!?! I think I could die happy.

Gratuitous Turkoglu Post Number 2

Since my friend Jor so eloquently gave the Magic recap, I'll give you guys a little bit more, since I was at the game with my good friend and oft-site commenter Magic Man. The place really was bananas, and the game was highly entertaining; Hedo got an All Star chant, it was FANTASTIC! Ray Allen was ice cold from jumpstreet, which made it very surprising that he finished with 17. Rondo kept doing the same go to move, he would drive the lane, fake it up, and then try some turn around jumper, all while cementing the idea that Damon Stoudamire will soon have his job. Pierce was Pierce, pretty dominant. Quote from Magic Man,

"Looks like Pierce is nervous, he's saying Uh oh, this is a last year game. Me playing with 4 other random dudes again."

And that was exactly what it looked like. Pierce, Kendrick Perkins (trash), Ray Allen (Shuttlesworth), Rondo (Stripe), and Brian Scalabrine (Michael Rappaport). Altogether, they looked pretty bad, and with no Garnett, it was a pretty unfortunate position they were in. However, they almost found a way to win, and without the play of Hedo, chances are we wouldn't have made it out. But we did, and many Boston fans walked out with their heads down, traversing our fine city looking for a fight, because that's what they do, and not finding it, then going back to the Travelodge and waiting for their flight home so they can talk about the Patriots again. It was fairly awesome, although I've never seen more McHale jerseys in my life... Some sort of ok decent pics for you guys to peruse.

The Tip

Maurice Evans' Throwdown

THE SHOT!