Happy Holidays From THF!

Happy Holidays to you and yours from us at THF!

NBA Lookalikes = Fun

I have an addiction. Some could argue that I am obsessed with NBA trade rumors, sometimes liking them even more than the game itself, but that isn't it. I could have an addiction like gambling (well...I do plan on taking a look at some nba basketball betting lines over the holidays...perhaps doing some online sports book wagering too...) but nay.

My addiction is celebrity lookalikes.

Coming across this on Youtube, I couldn't help but giggle and watch it roughly 50 times. Enjoy.

New Stuff Happened!

Hey hey hey readers,

Lots of new stuff to discuss!

First and foremost, we created a brand new site entitled "ZOMBIES CAN DUNK. COM"!
ZCD is related to all sports, not just basketball, and is more for our goofy sides regarding sports writing. It also will have live Twitter updates, reader contests, and be updated extremely often. Yippee!

The Howeva Files also got a revamp, with a new logo, new text fonts, and new sponsors. We will still be bringing you that irreverent and pointless basketball news humor that you have grown to know and love. We will also get Ron Artest drunk and writing for us sometime soon we hope.

Thus, now you poor bastards have twice the drivel to sift through. Your welcome!

Site Revamp Coming Soon!

Ooooooh EXCITING! A huge site revamp is coming very soon and we are very pumped about it on our end. Stay tuned!

THF Welcomes New Sponsor: PartyBets.com

The Howeva Files is happy to welcome our newest sponsor, "Partybets.com".

If you, like me, could honestly not care less about a random Grizzlies-Timberwolves matchup, why not make it interesting with a bet or two? Partybets.com gives you great bets on great odds, and we are happy to welcome them to the THF family.

THF To Be Back In Full Force Next Week

Howdy, howdy, howdy.  Above is a pic from the fjords in Norway.  Yours truly is still on a whirlwind trip for business, making stops in Norway, Cannes, and London.  THF will be back in full force upon my return in around a week, so stay tuned.  There is a lot of excitement afoot, with a site redesign in the works, new developments, and way, way more in the way of cheerleader pics (which trumps everything else, frankly).  I'll think of you all fondly as I cruise the fjords of Norway, battling vikings and trolls.  

In the meantime, just a post to get that freaky Mark Cuban photo off of the site.  That is the stuff of nightmares right there.

-Black and Blue Jor

Off To London!

I knew that union jack tattoo across my chest would come in handy.

Black and Blue Jor here, writing for the last time in the states for a while as I am off to London for work (insert John Amaechi joke here). I'll be writing from there for a month, so in addition to fun NBA coverage I'll be sure to update you on the status of the world's meat pies and demon barbers. If I don't come back with horrendous teeth and a tendency to call people "wankers" I will be sorely disappointed.

THF Welcomes New Sponsor: SportsBetting3.Com!

The Howeva Files is extremely proud to welcome sponsor SportsBetting3.Com!

Let me just say that there are few things better in this life than betting on sports. Evidence? Almost every single time I view Dwight Howard doing something good (which is a lot since I'm a Magic fan and watch all of their games), I will find the first person I know and proudly tell them the following:

"I won $40 in a bet when I said that the Magic would pick Dwight Howard over Emeka Okafor in the 2004 NBA Draft."

Obviously, this is completely useless information, especially for anyone who isn't me or my fatter wallet. -Still, the pride and glory that came to me on that faithful day will live on in memory forever, primarily because of the cash I ripped out of the feeble hands of the old man I bet with. Emeka Okafor? C'mon now.

If you'd like the same feeling of honor, joy, and merriment please visit SportsBetting3.Com. You're sure to have a good time.

Happy Memorial Day From THF

It's time to fire up those grills, sit out in the sun, and enjoy what is looking like a beautiful Memorial Day (if you happen to live in the American northeast. Yet another crappy day for you, Londoners!). I'm still beaming over the Magic win last night, and still fuming over that Lebron shot on Friday, but am ready to take a day to sit in the sun and ignore anything that can't be barbecued.

A very happy birthday as well to Anubis Taylor. I am still hungover from his birthday party on Saturday night, and partied hard enough that I don't expect to be back at 100% for another two weeks or so. Well done, my friend.

Enjoy the sunshine, folks. THF will be back tomorrow with hard-hitting basketball drivel you know and love.

Happy Mother's Day From THF

The Howeva Files wishes you a very Happy Mother's Day. Pay homage to the woman who's privates you emerged from. We already gave yo' momma our mother's day present, if you know what I mean.

Here's a pic of our mother. She's just the sweetest.

We Love Our Readers: Comments Section Now Open

Eesh. That easily is one of the more odd team press photos I have ever seen.

This post is to let you scalawags know that the comments section is now completely open and completely moderation-free. This means you can post whatever comes into your sick little minds without worry of reprisal. Use it as a way to keep track of shopping lists, or tell that special someone that you're leaving them for the mailman. Either way, our site is now yours people.

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Since I had my fill of drinking over the weekend, I am actually taking this St Patrick's day easy and relaxing (cue the studio audience going "BOOOO!"). It's Tuesday, so my body will thank me later.

That doesn't mean that we shouldn't have fun. I just bought a new computer, and short of dipping it green and writing some douche-y Celtics-themed post, the only way I can think of to celebrate in a timely fashion is.....

WATCHING ALL OF THE TRAILERS FROM THE 'LEPRECHAUN' SERIES OF HORROR MOVIES! Enjoy.

Happy Valentine's Day From The Howeva Files

It's our favorite of the Hallmark-created, spend-too-much-on-flowers-and-sweet-tarts day of the year. No, really. Spending money on red and pink crap is really what love is all about.

Spend the day with that special someone that you've been meaning to say you have feelings for, whether they like it or not. You'll find that breaking in to another person's home and making them breakfast in bed is the perfect way to say, "I've been staring at you at the bus stop on the way to work every day, and I just can't hide my feelings anymore. Now EAT YOUR CEREAL!"

All joking aside, have a happy "holiday" everyone. If you need me, I'll be nude outside with fake wings shooting people with arrows.

Happy (Belated) New Year 2009! Black And Blue's L.A. Recap

We're back from our yearly Christmas hiatus, rested, and ready for whatever 2009 throws at us. For yours truly, it was an eventful break as I went to Los Angeles and did about a jillion things there. I won't bore you with the amazing adventures, but I will give them to you in handy-dandy bulletpoint format!

- I ran into Jazz star Carlos Boozer in Beverly Hills, eating outside in a cafe. He was in town for the Jazz-Lakers game. Carlos seems less hairy in person, but those eyebrows still loom large.

- I saw The Room at the Sunset 5 theater. This means nothing to many of you outside of Los Angeles, but this movie is the WORST MOVIE EVER, and I mean that as a very good thing. It's so laughably bad that the audience participates in a Rocky Horror Picture Show-esque display, throwing spoons at the screen and yelling loudly about how fat the female costar is. Check out some of the Youtube clips.

- One of my female friends randomly had a threesome with two guys. Hopefully this will be a theme in the year of our lord 2009.

- I videotaped myself walking around the L.A. shopping complex "The Grove", and in the process inadvertantly taped whoever the hell this celebrity is at right (my wife tells me it is Harriet the Spy and Gossip Girl star Michelle Trachtenberg...cue me staring blankly) . She put her sunglasses on, dashed away, and a bunch of lonely female workers in Nordstrom yelled at me for "scaring her away". I later learned that "The Grove" is a shopping complex with about 5 stores and celebrities go there to be seen and photographed. After learning this I felt an unhealthy compulsion to destroy a Harriet The Spy DVD. Also, she is nothing to look at in real life (looks like a 13 year old mouse-child).

- La Brea Tarpits and shopping in Venice: Overrated.

- LACMA (the art museum in L.A) and shopping in Santa Monica: Underrated.

- Speaking of shopping in Santa Monica, I went to a Borders bookstore there. The store was THE ONE STORE going out of business (my father got an email about this from across the country), so it was packed and everything was at least 50% off. What made this more interesting was that I (along with the entire store) witnessed two drunk/drugged-out teenage girls that proceeded to cause mayhem on a Motley Crue scale. One puked all over herself, and passed out in the children's section. The other...the one that seemed to be the "sober one"...passed out on the stairs, causing her to land face first and knock herself out. Her pants fell down and she didn't have any underwear, leaving a butt exposed and motionless to approximately 300 shoppers. Watching this all unfold was really one of the most entertaining experiences of my life.

- Because there are SO many burger joints in L.A., I demanded to go to each one and rank them on a scale of 1-10. I wound up taste-testing at least 15 different places (not including the East-Coast standbys such as Burger King and Wendy's) The Winners? With a 10 out of 10 is Fatburger and close behind is In And Out Burger and a burger from the cafe Father's Office, with a 9 out of 10. You can see how seriously I take vacations.

There are a ton of other great stories that I am sure will seep their way onto the hallowed pages of this website in the coming weeks, but I have been up for 48 hours straight from a red-eye flight so that's all I got. Here's to a fantastic 2009!

Happy Festivus From The Howeva Files

There honestly is no telling when the booze will kick in (we've been downing egg nog since December 1st nonstop), so we'll take some time on the eve of Christmas Eve to wish you and your families a very happy holiday. It's that special time of year when you can give gag reindeer poo to your friends, curse loudly when that one irritating Christmas song you can't stand comes on for the 4,000th time (for me it's that John Mellencamp version of the 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus' song...please someone just shoot me in the face when that harmonica starts playing) and most importantly your vomit will taste abundantly of nutmeg. Do us a favor and hold some missletoe above the person you love the most/you're stalking, because life is short and that cozy fireplace means it's baby-making time.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Colin Cowherd: THF Superfriend #2

This is Anubis Taylor and ESPN Radio's Colin Cowherd after what looks like a hard night of drinking, for Taylor especially (which it was). Whether or not his show is entertaining (it is) or you need a lobotomy to remove the part of your brain that repeats Cowherd saying Vizio over and over again in your head (I do), he is awesome for one thing above all else:

(Quote) Stephen A is a cool guy.

Nothing more needs to be said (Drop mic and exit stage right).

THF Welcomes New Sponsor: OnlineSeats.Com!

The Howeva Files is extremely proud to welcome sponsor OnlineSeats.Com!

We have been holding out a while now for a sponsor that worked well with our sports-related nature, and now you dear readers have a place to purchase game tickets from the site.  Just click on their link on our sidebar.  OnlineSeats.Com also sells a good number of Broadway show tickets, so if you are perusing our site and forget that it's your wife's anniversary/wife's birthday/wife's mother's birthday/forgot to pick your wife up from the bus station, you can remedy that with a swift click of your mouse.

We at THF are fiercely loyal to sponsors and fans, so we will get to work on those "Using Ticketmaster and StubHub depletes the O-Zone layer t-shirts".  In the meantime, feel free to peruse OnlineSeats.Com. 

Happy Birthday, Black And Blue Jor's Wife

This weekend is my wife's birthday, so I will be busy planning a crapload of exciting activities for her. Unlike most of you scalawags out there, I actually enjoy planning parties and getting gifts for others...most likely because I try to only surround myself with people I care about (the other people I shove directly into moving traffic. They can befriend car bumpers).

All of this wife-worship led me to think of what my favorite NBA wife-related moment was. It would have been easy to go with the whole Karl Malone hitting on Kobe's wife situation, and would have just been stupid to show a bunch of those clips of people getting married at the stadium. Thus, I went with this, perhaps the best combo "wife mention/way to end an interview" ever. Congrats to Chris Webber:



"Who did your wife just bone?" might be the best slogan not used by a major retail outlet. I think Burger King would do well with it, especially if they had a shirt with that King mascot on it pointing at himself.

Still In Spain Honeymoonin´ It Up...As The Kids Say

Writing using my hotel´s television while I´m on my honeymoon in Spain...That´s right! The friggin´TELEVISION. Technology is wonderful.


On the downside, I appear to have no "enter" key and it took me about 5 minutes just to locate the spacebar. On the plus side, I can easily do this: ÑÑÑÑÑÑ¡¡¡¡¡¡ I´ve been wanting to do that for years! Success!


Since beer is cheaper than bottled water here, I´m going to keep this short in between gulps of Estrella Cerveza: THF will be back in full swing next week upon my return and there will be lots of NBA madness to discuss.


The wedding was fantastic, and my hats off to G.L Rawx for keeping the site going during my break. Thanks as well to Anubis Taylor for fantastic best man duties...namely chasing a drunk naked guy off of the road while the bridal party was leaving the reception hall (long story).

Cheers from Spain and be back soon.

Three Day Memorial Day Weekend?...TIME TO DANCE!

Three days off from work?! Let's boogie down!!!



Congrats to the Pistons on beating the Celtics tonight to steal their home court advantage, evening the series 1-1. I have a feeling more "Stuff to watch if there's a Spurs-Pistons final" posts are in the future...