Three Way Dilly, Milli Vanilli

Today the Bucks, Cavs, and THUNDER...KAPOW!...sorry, I just feel the need to do that when I say that team name...agreed to a deal. The deal essentially gives the Cavs starting point guard Mo Williams, the Thunder Joe Smith and Desmond Mason, and the Bucks get a heaping pile of excrement. -By this I mean they get washed up guard Luke Ridnour, Adrian Griffin, and Damon Jones.

What does this mean for the teams?

A) The Cavs are morons - Mo Williams is pretty good...but that's all he is. He isn't an elite guard, and he isn't a horrible one. What he IS, as a matter of fact, is the thing that could screw the Cavs over in 2010 when Lebron becomes a free agent and Mo Williams' then 9.5 million-a-year salary kicks in. When your snobby friend points out how this trade helps the Cavs out a ton, be sure to point this out before you laugh in his face and steal his girlfriend.

B) The Bucks are thinking about the FUTURE - They have Luke Ridnour, who looked like something Earl Watson shat out, at point guard. They dumped a ton of salary. They got Damon Jones, which pretty much says to anyone out there, "Yeah...we're not really taking this seriously". On the bright side, they'll have a bucket of money to throw around at free agents...who would love to wear green jerseys with deers on them...in Milwaukee...yep.

C) The Thunder are named THE THUNDER - KAPOW! - Little else is really important here. Desmond Mason is alright, I guess. With a new logo, new colors, and a new city at least we'll recognize Durant as the roster gets messed with.

That is all. Good DAY, sir.

Iggy Gets The Bucks...Time To Build A Building!

Today the Sixers gave a very nice contract to Andre Iguodala, locking him up with 80 mill and ensuring that his team will indeed be one of the more interesting ones come next season with Brand and Iggy. Furthermore, Andre Iguodala actually seems to be a really smart, likeable fellow...something that is a rarity these days of Artests, Kobes and Steven Jacksons (formerly referred to as "the Sprewell days"). He's like the opposite of Iverson...the No-verson.

Not to continue to gush here, but what I like most about Iggy most is that you can tell that he has the wherewithal mentally to be a success. Just listening to him talk, you can tell he would be good at his job even if he was a janitor (my apologies to the enormous janitor contingent that reads this. You keep our latrines clean). See for yourself:




An architect? A builder of skyscrapers? The sheer fact that Andre Iguodala shares the same fake occupation as George Costanza makes him aces in my book. Toss in the "A squared plus B squared equals C squared...or something like that" comment and you have me sold. Casual triginometry always wins over the ladies.

Kobe Might Go To Italy! Monkeys Might Fly Out Of My Butt!

Kobe Bryant is now saying that 50 million is one spicy-a meat-a-ball, and he would consider playing in Italy for that much. Since Bryant spent some time in Italy already, people are starting to think that his words have more creedance than Lebron's European interests.

Well, that, and this clip. -Easily my favorite clip of Kobe because I don't speak Italian and thus can't get annoyed at how cocky his words are:



I'm just going to put this out there: I just flat out don't believe any of this Euro junk. All it takes is Nike, Reebok, or another corporate sponsor to say, "Kobe...you aren't going anywhere. You make more money for us in America. In addition...sign our shoes" and the talk is done. Kobe is like Brett Favre in that he likes to pop his name into whatever news story is hot at the moment. People are demanding trades? Ooo, I want one of those too! Europe is the hot place? I MIGHT go there! I was actually a bit amazed to not see him stepping out of a limo, showing his cesarian scar around the time those Britney photos came out.

-Ah well, there's still time. Ciao!

Slow News Day Cheerleader Of The Day:

The Hawks matched the Grizzlies offer for Josh Smith, and when the top headline of the NBA reads "Grizzlies to continue to suck", you know it's a slow day. Time for cheerleaders.

Goodness, we've had a lot of slow days/cheerleaders lately, haven't we?

Today we travel to the land of cowboy hats, tumbleweeds, southern accents, and...Ginobili. The Spurs dancers frequently enjoy running around in schoolgirl outfits, a male fantasy that continues to elude me. I went to a catholic high school, so I saw those outfits every day. When you see something that often, especially with people who are not shaped like cheerleaders (more like the bus they travel in), the costume loses some of its panache.

Ah, who am I kidding? It's a fun way to go into the weekend. See you Monday!

White Chocolate Is A Clipper

Want to feel old?

Remember when Jason Williams was the cool new rookie in the league, dazzling NBA audiences with no-look passes and an invisible third eye for pinpoint alley-oop passes?

That was 10 years ago.

Cut to the present day: Jason Williams is a veteran, completely devoid of his fun antics (thanks a LOT, Hubie Brown), has a championship ring, and no longer has that funny parted haircut. He also is the latest person to be brought to the new-look Clippers, a team whose roster already everyone has lost track of.

Ah well, we can always look back, can't we? Jason Williams tops my list of "players who I totally thought were going to be entertaining to watch forever...and weren't" with Tracy McGrady a close second. Ron Artest is on that list somewhere for different reasons.

Top 10 Jason Williams plays (Warning: Turn the volume off of your computer, lest Michelle Branch music ruin your evening)




-And what would a young Jason Williams retrospective be without the best pass I have ever seen (or will ever see) over an NBA All Star Weekend:

Slow News Day Cheerleader Of The Day: Pistons

Just got back from seeing Stone Temple Pilots at Jones Beach in New York (amazing concert), and to my wondering eyes I see very little has happened in the NBA today. The NFL is another story altogether with Brett Favre entering my hallowed town of New York City...well...technically they play in East Rutherford, New Jersey...but you get the point.

With little news and it being quite late (or early, for those of you who choose to wake up to read this site at 2am everyday), it's time for a quick Slow News Day Cheerleader Of The Day. Today we head to the land of Matt Millen and riots. Lots and lots of riots. Pistons fans, you may not have a football or baseball team that do silly things like "try", but I'll be damned if you don't have two of the more successful basketball and hockey teams in history.

Some would use this as an opportunity to make a joke about pom-poms...but I won't. You stay classy...planet earth.

Slow News Day Cheerleader Of The Day: Jazz

What, citizens? You say wee little Earl Boykins signing a deal to play in Europe is your big news story of the day? Have no fear! -For you are about to be saved by...

The Slow News Day Cheerleader Of The Day!

This week we travel to beautiful Utah, the home of...Utahians. The Utah Jazz dancers are apparently called the "Nu Skin Dancers", a name which I don't really understand. Since Utah is chock full o' mormons, I can only imagine that "Nu Skin Dancers" must be some sort of Biblical reference. I vaguely remember learning in my catholic high school (Pope John XXIII, hoo-rah) that God commanded Noah to build an ark, housing two of each animal and a vast array of "Nu Skin Dancers."

Fun Fact: You can only achieve this pose if you accept Jesus as your one true savior. Try it!

The Way TRUE Friends Greet Each Other

This is the new way I will say hello to people I know. It has a certain subtle, understated class about it:

Paul Pierce And His Multiple Field Sobriety Tests

TMZ had an interesting report today...one that didn't involve Lindsay Lohan or Madonna (hence the reason it was interesting). I'll let the text do the talking for me on this one:

"Paul Pierce of Boston Celtic fame was pulled over for erratic driving at around 3:30 this morning in Vegas, and apparently cops suspected he was driving wasted. Law enforcement sources tell us Pierce was stopped in front of the Tropicana Hotel and Casino and given not one but two field sobriety tests, plus a breathalyzer for good measure. He passed all three! Now here's the interesting part. After cops let him go, Paul left his car at the valet and took a cab home. He was not cited or charged."

Very interesting that Pierce took took a cab home after actually passing both of these tests. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what happened. Wait...to be honest, rocket scientists are a bad example since they are so incredibly involved with their rocket science. I'll rephrase it by saying "it doesn't take a moron to see what happened". There, much better:

Paul Pierce was pulled over and was "drunk as a skunk" as the kids say. The cops made him do a field test, and then made him RE-do it, thoroughly scaring the living hell out of him while they laughed. After having their yuks, adequately showing that a 40-something moustached, balding cop could have something over a millionaire NBA champion, they let him go. The only thing they said was that he had to take a cab home.

And there you have it, an explanation to the whole thing. -At least that's MY guess. It's Monday and that's the best I could do after a weekend of making NBA stars do field sobriety tests for my own enjoyment.

Video of the Day: Chinese Basketball Interviewees Have Robot Voices

The thing you have to love about extremely tall asian basketball dudes: They appear to have the market on monotone, low baritone voices completely monopolized.

Seriously, listening to Yi and Yao sounds like two varying recordings of that macintosh computer voice. I actually expected Yi in this clip to start of his response by saying, "Uhhhhh....(thoughtful pause)...does not compute...does not compute...does not compute..." (various sparks shoot out of his neck as his eyes glow red).



In related news, apparently Yao bragged that China would come in 6th place in the Olympics in basketball this year. This is considered foolhardy, as most don't expect them to do any better than 8th place. I will reserve judgement in light of Yao and Yi's voices proving they are in fact robots. -Mostly because I haven't yet seen the end of The Terminator so I do not have an idea of the best way to vanquish them.