Somehow, Some Way, Someone Will Blame Iverson And Obama For This

Nothing but bad NBA news today. Gilbert went under the knife again and now there's been much hoopla over this Josh Howard YouTube video. Maybe I'm in a good mood after seeing Megan Fox pictures in GQ yesterday, but I'm not all that offended. He was like the 20th guy to mug to the camera and there was basically nothing else left to say! Does anyone actually care what a overhyped player on a choke job team says at a flag football game says anyway? You should hear the things to come out of Jor's and my mouth during our flag football days! Unspeakable things about people's mothers, country's flags, and Knight Rider that's what! I'm more worried that at some point some talking head on radio or TV will call for an apology from Iverson and that Obama is going to have to once again fight off the support of dumb ass celebs and athletes.

Slow News Day Cheerleader Of The Day: Rockets

First off, apologies for no entry yesterday. Had a family emergency, but all worked out well and I'm back and better than ever.

Second, CHEERLEADERS!

That's right, there is very little of note to report in the NBA today, and especially very little that is funny/entertaining. That means it is time for cheerleaders...this time from Houston. Houston is the land of quarterback Matt Shaub, baseball player Lance Berkman, um...the Houston Oilers used to play there...uhhhhh....crap, I need to visit Houston just to find out what kind of cool stuff is there. While I look up what is in Houston on wikipedia, please check out these dancers.

Thank you and goodnight.

Dirk Hates Bugs

Just surfing around and found this video. Dirk has a killer eye when it comes to bug killing. He also apparently enjoys smearing the smashed bug on his face immediately afterwards. This is the key to his NBA skills, kids. Smear away!

Wednesday And NBA Fights...FUN, FUN, FUN!

It's Wednesday, a day that is neither here nor there. It's not the beginning of the week or the end. It doesn't suck like a Monday, but also doesn't make you want to scream out of a window in happiness like a Friday (To my neighbors: That was not me screaming in happiness the other day. That was some other guy). All in all, it's just an apathetic vanilla day.

I say we take back Wednesday. I say we make it the most kickass day of the week. I say we run straight at the folks who make the calendars, hold up one of their 2008 puppy calendars, and say, "Put Wednesday somewhere better or we're going to set fire to March: Poodle Puppy Month".

It won't be easy, a lot of people will resist Wednesday being a better day. For this reason we will likely need force. By "we" I of course mean you, as I will be sipping Caprisun from my lofty New York Penthouse apartment, where I have a good view of things burning.

If you need a fight training video, I can think of none better than this. WARNING: There is foul language in this video clip, so if you have youngsters around you I strongly suggest you cover their ears with a bike helmet of some sort:


If this video clip doesn't work, you can check it out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2lF4kRnd6Q

Darko To Knicks: I Am Ready To Be Your Victory Cigar

Wow...upon further inspection that title sounds really dirty.

Darko wants to be a Knick, going as far as to say that he is 99% sure that he will be dealt there. Must be a incredibly strong 1% chance for the trade to not happen yet, but I digress.

As a person who was able to watch their team (the Magic) get their hopes up with the arrival of the big galoot, I will say this: Do not get your hopes up with the arrival of this big galoot. He sucks. It's not for lack of trying........well........yeah, actually it IS for lack of trying. Darko has all of the physical skills necessary to become a premier center in the NBA, but he doesn't seem to want to put forth any of the work needed to become one. He lazily goes up for rebounds, does not hustle up and down the court, and as a result often gets lost in games. Olowokandi and Darko would have fantastic gym workout sessions, punctuated by looking at the ceiling and trips to the water fountain and back.

Wow, to be a Knicks fan in this day and age. It's like a nonstop donkey punch to the nuts. Just envisioning Walt Frazier trying to sound interested as he says, "Danilo to Darko" is enough to make anyone wearing blue and orange hurl themselves off a bridge.

Slow News Day Cheerleader Of The Day: Heat

I am simply shocked that there is no NBA news after a full weekend. Even on the slowest of weeks, there is something that happens over the span of two days to report on in pro basketball. I'm sure that it has much to do with the first week of the NFL season engulfing EVERYTHING sports news-related, but still...

Speaking of which, my Miami Dolphins lost to the Jets and Brett Favre, who has become one of the most loathsome players to watch in sports. Dolphins QB Chad Pennington's arm strength resembles that of a 3 year-old girl. I felt bad for 3 year-old girls for that comparison as I wrote that.

With talk of the Dolphins, and the NBA having no exciting headlines whatsoever, that can only mean a seamless segueway into Miami Cheerleaders! -Specifically Heat cheerleaders.

I am normally quite reserved in critiquing things such as team dancers...but my goodness gracious whatever they have in the drinking water in Miami has to be bottled and sold everywhere. The Heat might take the cake for "cheerleader the average guy would stare at even if a nuclear warhead was shooting straight towards him". Maybe slow news days in the NBA aren't so bad after all...

Team USA Loves Them Some Burgers

If I were a Wendy's exec, I would make this my new commercial STAT!:


Man, will the fun with these Team USA candid videos ever end? God bless Chris Bosh and his ridiculous filming. I feel like I learn something every time I watch these, with me learning three key lessons while watching this:

A) You can get Penzoil at Wendy's in China.

B) Lebron wears cheap-looking watches.

C) Dwight Howard cannot communicate while eating.

D) If this is their idea of a fun time, I would probably have absolutely no fun hanging out with Team USA (Considers the team probably spent their free time laying down in a blanket of groupies and money and reconsiders this).

Have a good weekend, folks!

New Magic Jerseys Leaked? Me Likey?

Taking a break from the crapfest known as the Oklahoma City Thunder's new image, we take a look at what might possibly be the new Orlando Magic jerseys. As a diehard Magic fan, when the franchise told the fans the team's new look would be unveiled September 23rd, I was counting down the days until...well, not the 23rd (we live in an information age)...but rather the moment when someone would get some leaked footage of the new jerseys. Too many jackasses have cameraphones these days for it not to happen (God bless 'em).

It appears that day has come. This is either the new Magic jersey, some mock-up that the team did just for this photo shoot, or one of the many ways that the world is messing with my mind:



Oh yeah, I should have probably mentioned that these leaked photos are from a future Dwight Howard get milk ad. Most of you probably thought Dwight had dyed his moustache in one of those images, which I'm at least 36% sure he has not done. One of the many reasons Dwight Howard is currently my favorite player is the sheer fact that many of his photos show him grinning widely, almost as we would if we were suddenly given a billion dollars and NBA skills. These photos are no exception as he is grinning enough to mimic a sex-ed Mutombo.

Earlier images and leaked gossip about the new Magic jersey had it with pinstripes, which are not in these. I am hoping they have pinstripes, something teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates and Indiana Pacers have essentially ruined. Mobsters need something to wear with their pinstriped suit pants, dammit!

More news on the Magic jerseys as it's leaked. Stay tuned, gang.

The Thunder Suck Officially Now!

Well, gang, the OKC Thunder are officially a franchise. -A boring, yellow, blue and orange franchise. The "guitar pick of apathy" was officially unveiled today to a smattering of claps and yawns, and somewhere a Knicks fan said, "Hey...they just took the Knicks' colors. They just changed the white to a yellowish-white" Unfortunately no one heard said man because they were still booing the pick of Danilo Gallinari.

Who wants some completely generic apparel?! I DO!

Serial killers are rejoicing looking at this. Now they officially have something they can murder people in and then seamlessly blend into society. This shirt could be any shirt bought from Walmart or Target, and the bland font screams "I made this on cafepress.com for about 2 dollars". Even the Adidas logo under it looks like a mirror image of the logo. The only positive? Now I can officially start referring to him as Kevin (Thun)-Durant. Whoopie.

A Thunderclap Of Crap...A "ThunderCrap"

We are close to the unveiling of the Oklahoma City Thunder logo...wait a tick...what's this?

Oh, my bad. Someone took the old Pistons logo, got rid of that weird horse with the mufflers poking out of it, and slapped a completely uninteresting triangle on it. For a second there I thought it was the new Thunder logo. Oops. I stumbled upon a generic pile of poop.

Okay, seriously...what is the boring nothingness on this ball? They didn't even have the decency to put a cloud on the darn thing? A lightning bolt? A damn weathervane? Fans of both Thunder and logos hang their head in shame at this one. Fans of WNBA-esque logos and staring at paint dry are overjoyed. Anyone that knows me knows that I take my logos seriously and this one is a slap in the face to everything I hold sacred.

I know, I know, it could be worse. -But it could be SO much better. The apathy is truly exemplified by the "Thunder" writing on the ball, which isn't even a font as much as its just the most basic thing they could think of. I can only hope that they didn't pick a font yet.

The saddest part of the whole thing? The real kick in the junk? I actually had hopes of learning something about Oklahoma City. Maybe they'd put an image of a famous Oklahoma City landmark, or maybe a creature from Oklahoma City folklore. They might put something that symbolized the working man, or the proud tradition of a city that so many lives reside in.

Instead we have this crummy non-logo, something I heretofore refer to as "the guitar pick of apathy". For shame, Oklahoma...for shame.*

*The door is not yet closed on this team actually looking cool. They still have colors, jerseys, and mascots which could help to redeem the travesty that is this logo. -This could even be the secondary logo, with something much cooler in store. Ah, who are we kidding. Let's all drink to this team's early relocation.