Monday, June 15, 2009

The 2009 NBA Playoff Awards

Although my Magic fell short, it was an absolutely amazing NBA playoffs this year. There were tons and tons of surprises, which made things interesting. Who would have thought I would find the Lakers, a traditionally cocky jackass team, to be a substantially classier team than the Celtics, a traditionally...well...CLASSY team? Who would have seen the Bulls giving a good run for a while there? Who would have possibly seen Nuggets actually amounting to anything past the regular season? Let's take a look at the playoffs as a whole, and dish out some awards as we do so.

Most unstoppable award: Kobe Bryant

Sure, Lebron got all of the hype and the MVP award, but Bryant was the king of the "Oh my God how did he possibly make that shot while getting fouled by three people and getting kicked in the balls by the mascot"shot.

Biggest "where did they come from" award: Chicago Bulls

The Bulls were a team that everyone wrote off from the get-go. How could you NOT write them off when they had two of the most overhyped collegiate players in Noah and Tyrus Thomas? By the end, Vinny Del Negro looked like a superhero, instead of someone whose name translated into spanish as "Vinny Of Black".

Most irritating award: That Heineken "Just A Friend" Commercial

God Dammit. This piece of crap played during every commercial. Yes, we get it. You should let an old guy drive you and your blonde friend (with a noticable underbite) home when you drink. You should sing a song by Biz Markie. I wonder how many taxi drivers are pissed off on a daily basis by college kids singing this in the back of their car and trying to be cute.

Were they in the playoffs? award: The Atlanta Hawks

Yes. Believe it or not they were in the playoffs. They actually got to the second round (technically). I don't remember it either.

Guy you could not believe was not suspended more award: Rafer Alston

Every time they went to commercial, TNT flashed Rafer Alston touching the refs in what appeared to be an inappropriate manner. Touching their bald heads, brushing off their shoulders, and even slapping their asses for a good call (yep, it happened). Remind me to never ref a game with Skip To My Lou, lest my tender butt be violated.

Most reliable death-toll for a team: Turkoglu doing anything cocky.

With the exception of that final shot to win the game against the Sixers, every time that Hedo would hit a big shot and do something cocky the Magic would lose. It happened against the Cavs, the Celtics, and the Lakers, all in games in which the other team came back to win with barely any time left. By the Lakers series, when I saw Turk laughing at the sky after hitting a big shot, it was automatic for every Magic fan in attendance to leave early to beat the traffic.

Most annoying coverage: The overwhelming Birdman coverage

By the end of the Nuggets series with the Lakers, I was almost rooting against the underdog just to end the millions of Birdman clips and stories. What, the media couldn't write about the sheer amount of sweat on Nene?

And finally...

The THF award for most ridiculous media coverage: The Denver Nuggets

Convoluted discussion on Birdman's tattoos, The WWE feud with Vince McMahon, the epic Mark Cuban-Kenyon Martin fiasco...this was a team that somehow brought insanity everywhere they went. You can almost see David Stern sweating through every series they had, hoping they would lose before one of the players came out with an underground prostitution ring or something (I'm looking at you, Linus Kleiza). Bravo, Nuggets, bravo.

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