You Shouldn't Brag When Your Mascot Is The FTD Florist Guy

A Golden State Warrior boasting is a recipe for disaster.

People did indeed say these things, Monta Ellis, but how many of these things are now true? You aren't exactly a leader when someone can look at your Yahoo! profile and read, "Ellis is serving a 30-game suspension after sustaining a left ankle injury in an offseason moped accident." Leaders drive Harleys...followers use Segways and Mopeds.

Plus, the Warriors have come back to earth this year. They are 4-6 and already 4 games back in in their own division despite the fact that teams have only played 4 games. Honestly, there is nothing I like more than hearing a person boast egomaniacally in an ad and then watch as they fall from grace in a most spectacular fashion. Having a Golden State Warrior boast after one good year is like watching Gargamel celebrate after catching a Smurf...you know it's just going to get away from them in the end.

Now that I've said my piece, please enjoy the smooth listening sounds of someone who took the NBA on NBC song and made it sound like a video game. I love technology.

Ray Allen Is A Cheater, And Other Warm Sentiments From The Celtics

I stumbled across this video on Youtube while looking for the newest Watchmen trailer (how amazing does THAT movie look?), and have to say that it brightened my day. After seeing how completely laid back and ridiculous Hornets practices are, it came as no surprise to me that the Celtics don't seem to take themselves that seriously either (well...the non-KG members, that is). A little one-on-one with Gollum and Jesus Shuttlesworth is just what the doctor ordered. Have a good weekend, folks.

This Story Has Been Getting John Rogers Laid Every Night For 5 Years

That rumored video of a CEO beating Jordan in a 1-on-1 game at Jordan's Flight School has finally made it to the web thanks to the Wall Street Journal. CEO or not, this guy has carte blanche anywhere he goes now and if anyone ever gives him crap he can just say, "I beat MJ so F you!"

Donte Greene Thinks He Sees a Nipple

I'm not too sure what was going down at the opposite end of the court, but its obviously pleasing to Donte Greene's eyes. Maybe it's Megan Fox, Adrienne Bailon's tattooed ass, or maybe he is simply the last man on earth besides A-Rod that thinks Madonna's hot.

THF Welcomes New Sponsor: OnlineSeats.Com!

The Howeva Files is extremely proud to welcome sponsor OnlineSeats.Com!

We have been holding out a while now for a sponsor that worked well with our sports-related nature, and now you dear readers have a place to purchase game tickets from the site.  Just click on their link on our sidebar.  OnlineSeats.Com also sells a good number of Broadway show tickets, so if you are perusing our site and forget that it's your wife's anniversary/wife's birthday/wife's mother's birthday/forgot to pick your wife up from the bus station, you can remedy that with a swift click of your mouse.

We at THF are fiercely loyal to sponsors and fans, so we will get to work on those "Using Ticketmaster and StubHub depletes the O-Zone layer t-shirts".  In the meantime, feel free to peruse OnlineSeats.Com. 

Chris Kaman Calls Out The Mavs

It's rough to be an NBA team in this "win now" culture. -It's even tougher when you have some beastly creature calling you out.

That's right, your and my favorite supermodel Chris Kaman just told the Mavericks that their team isn't among the elite. To further stir the pot, Kaman claims that Dirk Nowitzki said he doesn't believe in the Mavs either. I am quite shocked at this whole development. -Not because the Mavs are being labelled an also-ran, but because this means that Kaman speaks. I always assumed him a quiet destructive force, like Frankenstein.

Normally, I would feign disinterest in this whole matter, but the Mavs are friend of the site Rick Carlisle's now. This throws any open mind I would have on a matter completely out of the window and almost makes me offended that anyone would question Rick's coaching. I would run into a burning building if Rick were inside and in trouble, for crissakes! (Note: I would not do this.) He's my BOY!

Eh, to tell the truth, I won't even have to do anything. Rick Carlisle is like Chuck Norris and the Bounty Paper Towel Guy all rolled into one, but with more firepower. Once you besmirch his name, you just open yourself a world of hurt. Nice knowing you, Kaman.

RICK SMASH!!!!

Wow...What A Completely Unscripted Youtube Moment.

By now a lot of you have seen the video with Carmelo Anthony cutting his hair because he lost a video game.  For those of you that haven't, here ya go:

I work in television, so I'm used to getting a lot of crap put in front of my face on a daily basis, and I can say that this is easily one of the most contrived and premeditated videos I've seen in a long time.  Carmelo has his hair out of its dreds while playing, seemingly ready for a haircut JUST IN CASE.  Also, and I suppose this is a smidgeon obvious, they had someone filming the damn thing with what looks like a pretty quality camera...just, you know, IN CASE he lost.  Furthermore, with female guest appearances and an amazingly clean apartment for a "Don't Snitch" young guy, this thing may as well have been shot on a sound stage.  I kept waiting for a boom mike to fall in from the top of the screen.

This, my dear friends, is one of the few shortcomings of Youtube.  Along with that annoying "Kobe jumping over a car" clip, people are starting to use the site as a means to put up "candid" videos that really just are put out by their PR people.  For the most part this sucks, so I call upon the NBA PR folks and agents to start putting out some FUNNY contrived Youtube clips.

My idea: Andrei Kirilenko doing a "complete spontaneous" lumberjack competition with fireworks and supermodels.  -And that idea is pro-bono, folks.  The rest will cost ya.

Happy 1000th Win, Gramps!

Jerry Sloan, the guy I REPEATEDLY pick to win coach of the year (and never does), just got his 1,000th win tonight. This makes me very happy as Jerry Sloan acts a lot like a kind grandfather-type guy to the press, and you almost want to give him a hug, a cardigan, and a bag of Werther's Original Butterscotch Candies.

I'm sure to his players he is a foul-mouthed, tempermental coach who is great at Xs and Os and doesn't really have much patience when it comes to mistakes, but who cares? At least on camera he sounds like something grandma would pat affectionately on the shoulder:




Listen to those good-natured chuckles. Someone get this guy a "my grandchildren love me" t-shirt, because dammit...we do.

Chicago Advances to Second Round of NBA Hair Championship

Overshadowing the individual efforts of Amare Stoudamire and Tony Parker last night was the Showdown of Chevelure between the Chicago Bulls and Cleveland Cavaliers. After both Joakim Noah and Anderson Varejao were carried off in a stretcher early in the third quarter when their locks got tangled together, Drew Gooden's mutton chops and wormy goatee took over and closed out the squad from the Mistake By The Lake.

The Knicks Have Won Their Second Game...Before January!

Yes, Knicks fans, your team is 2-2 with a win against the Bobcats tonight. I know there have been a decent amount of Knicks-centric posts around here lately, but when a team seems to actually be playing better and they happen to be something in ol' Isiah's wake, it is a MAJOR accomplishment.

The win came despite what can only be a "Quentin Richardson-esque" night from Quentin Richardson, with him shooting 1-9 with 6 turnovers. In my minds eye Q-Rich spent this game attempting to shoot with only his left hand, one eye closed, and Michelle Obama's dress on (ooh a political joke! I'm so topical!)

There are many potential reasons behind this turnaround, but as loyal reader Carrie points out, it all always comes back to Q-Tip:

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1287023185?bclid=1213892171&bctid=1890030605

You can imagine D'Antoni bobbing his head to this as he ignores Stephon Marbury's attempts to bribe him into a game with a pair of his shoes.