Happy Valentine's Day From The Howeva Files

It's our favorite of the Hallmark-created, spend-too-much-on-flowers-and-sweet-tarts day of the year. No, really. Spending money on red and pink crap is really what love is all about.

Spend the day with that special someone that you've been meaning to say you have feelings for, whether they like it or not. You'll find that breaking in to another person's home and making them breakfast in bed is the perfect way to say, "I've been staring at you at the bus stop on the way to work every day, and I just can't hide my feelings anymore. Now EAT YOUR CEREAL!"

All joking aside, have a happy "holiday" everyone. If you need me, I'll be nude outside with fake wings shooting people with arrows.

Durant Is Still Dodging the Thunderous Dunks

I took a look at Kevin Durant lately and decided that he still needs to add a wee bit more bulk onto his 37 pound frame. He is a great player, but methinks that if he wants to in any way be seen as a force of power and intensity he needs to start downing Pro Performance Weight Gainer immediately. Corey Maggette, do me a favor and back me up here:



Yowza. You can see how tentative Durant is going up for that block attempt, not even getting close to actually blocking the shot for fear that his arm would rip off like that guy on "Lost" last night. To add insult to injury, the ball flies through the net and slams Durant in the head, almost decapitating him. Will Durant sustain a crazy injury with his wirey frame, or will he somehow beat the odds like anorexia poster child Tayshaun Prince? ONLY TIME WILL TELL!

Lithuanians Have The Heart

I was debating with one of our loyal readers about whether Lithuanians were great basketball players (I am Lithuanian, hence my interest in it) and we got to the question of whether the country has successfully exported good players to the NBA because the team seems to have a lot of heart.  I argued that the team seems to somehow be in the medal discussion every Olympics even though they are written off, and this is due to the nation's pride and borderline bloodthirsty interest in winning.

He simply sent back this response to show where the country's residents priorities lie.  

Well played sir, well played. -But look at the HEART of that guy yelling at his teammate to stop blocking his shot!

I Would Have Preferred A Cloud

Today the Oklahoma City Thunder announced the concept behind their team's mascot, much to the interest of meteorologists everywhere. Those same weathermen are in the process of writing some very angrily-worded letters, because the Thunder are going with a bison mascot. Yes, that's right...a bison.

I'm not really certain how the animal and the weather forecast have anything to do with each other, but perhaps it is already part of the team management slowly backtracking their steps on that whole "naming our team after a nonthreatening sound associated with rain" thing. When it comes time to pick a logo and a mascot, the team has to stare at their hands and realize that only lightning would be a visible representation of thunder and that would be misleading. I'm not sure if an equally nonthreatening animal that spends its day chewing grass and defecating in fields is the proper way to overcompensate, but hey that's just me. Congrats Oklahom-ians!

Every So Often, Jamal Crawford Reminds You He Exists And Is Pretty Good

After having a post with the title "Fail" up all weekend, I thought I would go to the other end of the spectrum and show just how fun and exciting the NBA can be. For this, we look to a play from Jamal Crawford that actually got me up out of my seat. This is a pretty rare thing, not only because I only vault up out of my seat at the sight of ShamWOW ads, but also because Jamal Crawford's career has been a lesson in how to slowly creep into obscurity. Still, it's at least worth a golf clap and a kudos:




Sham-WOW!

Fail

DING DING DING! We've found a winner (and by that I mean loser) for worst jersey since the Dallas Mavericks shimmery trash bags of 2003. Not only is the jersey hideous, but it also seems as if Gerald Wallace is being terrorized by Louis Amundson's levitating basketball trick.

Other possible things happening in this picture?

1. Wallace is fighting off Amundson from performing unnecessary CPR.

2. Wallace is in fact a new born baby and Amundson is keeping him distracted until the crib arrives.

3. DeSagana Diop's dong became untaped from his leg, floored Wallace while Amundson cries.

Some Days, I Leave The Analysis To The Experts

I was going to talk in depth about the injuries that seem to be decimating the NBA, but found this Youtube clip and realized there was nothing left to say. There simply is not a more detailed, intricate, and serious analysis than this one, so I'll use this opportunity to catch up on Lost while you fill every cell in your brain chock full of information. Try to get some sleep tonight despite the fact that you will have all of the world's knowledge condensed into one minute and a half clip. Enjoy:

Sixers Coach, You're Having...The Best Week Ever!

Watching the postgame of the Sixers gut-wrenching loss to the Celtics Tuesday night, I had only one thought: Tony DiLeo looks exactly like an older version of Michael Ian Black (of VH1's Best Week Ever, The State, and Wet Hot American Summer fame):




With his stone-faced demeanor, you almost expect him to toss out a Michael Ian Black-esque overstatement like "Ghoulies...was the most amazing feature film of the 20th century".

Off Topic Again: That Is One Long Play

You want your NBA news for the day? Jameer Nelson just dislocated his shoulder. There you go! Now onto something more pressing:

After giggling hysterically for 5 minutes I realized I had to share this with you. According to TMZ.com, during the Super Bowl yesterday the residents of Tuscon, AZ were subjected to a...gift of sorts. When Larry Fitzgerald had that amazing run to the end zone to take the lead for the Cardinals, the broadcast was interrupted by a porn clip lasting about 30 seconds. Yes, I am serious. This is what it looked like. Honestly, we need more broadcasts like this:



This is the last Super Bowl related post for the year, I promise, unless more hysterical porn is somehow unearthed. I hope this post made the world a little bit of a better place.

Off Topic: Congrats To Super Bowl Champion Coach Omar Epps!

Actor. Coach. Super Bowl Winner.

Is there anything Omar Epps CAN'T do?!

THF takes a moment from basketball to give congrats to Omar Epps and the Pittsburgh Steelers for drowning Cardinals fans in a tidal wave of sorrow, just like old times! Now that you've got that super bowl ring, you can get back to reviving your acting career any day now.