Barkley To Retire From Gambling To Focus On Donuts

The Chuckster proclaimed he's gone on a sabbatical from gambling on tonight's TNT pre-game show after having just been publicly embarrassed by his staggering losses at The Wynn. Luckily, he's now got extra time to pursue his true love: donuts.

"Between my commitments to TNT, the ponies, the slots, rollin' dem bones, and throwing jackasses in striped shirts through windows I have let my deep fried dough-stuffing performance deteriorate far below the Guinness-worthy levels I set right after I retired in 2000. Once D-Wade gets me those socks, my fists will be too full of glazed crullers, Berliners, beignets, and bear claws to split my sevens on the strip."

To emphasize his dedication, The Round Mound Of Rebound uttered his once famous phrase, "Anything less...would be uncivilized!"