The Chinese are trying to steal our 3-ball technology

After wading through the typical pre-season fluff pieces on players that are sure to never live up to their billing, I found that we narrowly avoided WWIII this weekend after Cleveland Cavaliers forward, Donyell Marshall, was detained in Macao, China after the Cavs had lost his passport.

Marvin (Barnes) – the Cavaliers head of security – was telling me to hurry up, that we have to get over {to Hong Kong] because it’s a national holiday in [there] on Friday. They have it twice a year – I think it’s called National Grave Cleaning Day, where you go to the cemetery and clean your loved one’s or ancestor’s graves. They have picnics there and everything. The whole city shuts down. So if I didn’t get my passport on Thursday, I wouldn’t have gotten it at all.

I had to fill out paperwork in the NBA offices. After that I had to go to the police station in Macao. I was in the police station for three hours and they wouldn’t let me leave the country. They’re telling me there’s a procedure I have to follow, and it’s going to take a couple days. Of course, we’re leaving Saturday and I don’t have “a couple days.”

No doubt the Chinese government took this opportunity to have him knock up every available female basketball player in order to create the next Chinese athletic export: a no-neck version of Yao after that stands in the corner and shoots 3's. Luckily for us, the Chinese have yet to figure out that tapping into the UConn gene pool isn't the best idea if you're trying to create a genetic super army of basketball players.