Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Magic Extend Jameer Nelson, Sasha Pavlovic Resigned, Juwan Howard Proves He Is Still Alive

After Shaq dropped a Cleveland Steamer on their chests and bolted for L.A., the Magic entered what will probably be a 40-year era of overcompensating and locking anyone decent up in long term deals: The Orlando Magic extended Jameer Nelson at least 5 more years, making the combo of Nelson, Lewis, Redick, and Howard one that will (for better or worse) be around for a very long time in Orlando. The Magic are banking on the idea that the 3 foot tall Nelson will suddenly go from turnover-prone shooter to a savage terminator perpetually avenging his father's death under Stan Van Gundy's system.

In similar news, Cleveland finally gave up on trying to laugh off its free agent's wishes and resigned Sasha Pavlovic to a three year deal. Sasha wins some sort of award for being the guy in deep fantasy basketball leagues that caused most owners to say, "This guy is doing well...who the hell is he?" Varejao, the Sideshow Bob-looking free agent, and the Cavs are still reportedly far apart in negotiations. Several millions of people betting the Cavs will win it all just took a 2nd mortgage on their house.

Finally, Juwan Howard proved to the world that he is, in fact, still alive as he agreed to join the Dallas Mavericks. The timing suggests that he read my season preview in which I picked Dallas to win it all, and I will be calling Howard's agent shortly to demand my consulting fee. The Mavs also announced they will be cutting DJ Mbenga, a guy so well known that I blatantly cut and pasted his name in there to avoid spelling it wrong.

The NBA starts tonight with some exciting matchups like San Antonio vs. Portland!
Wait, did I say exciting? I meant to say NBA title defenders playing an Oden-less squad trying to crawl out of the gutter. I'm crossing my fingers for an upset and it's only the first game. NBA schedulers are truly geniuses.


Anonymous said...

5 years 35 mill isn't too bad. Better than if he does have a good year and the magic have to end up tony romo-ing him like the cowboys did today.

Black and Blue Jor said...

Tony Romo-ing should become part of the American lexicon. It should mean both:

1)A team regretting not resigning a player early and paying the price later.


2) Anal sex

Anubis Taylor said...

In a Tony Romo, I sort of envision the person being penetrated to be trying to give the penetrator a high five cuz he's just so likeable.