Thursday, March 20, 2008

Hey Chris Bosh is Back! Oh Yeah and Miami is AWFUL.

After a 10 game hiatus, Blane Harrington Chris Bosh made his return for the Toronto Raptors last night, with a safe and modest 8 points, 8 rebounds, and 1 block in 23 minutes on the floor. Why does this matter you ask?

That's why. The Canadasaurs thrashed the Miami Heat in a 96-54 rout, which was reminiscent of NES fisticuffs with Michael Tyson (I mean he could knock you down in one hit, how is it fair?). This was a basketball game that just dripped with amazing, as Rasho Nesterovic got 31 minutes (not a joke) and finished with 12 points. Double digits! The always fantastic shooting Canuckaeopteryxes had another retarded night from the floor, shooting 54%, and a bananas 53% from behind the arc. Jose Calderon continues to make his case for most improved player with 10 points, 10 assists, 5 rebounds, and 4 steals, only turning it over once.

But lets look at some better numbers shall we? Miami shot 25%. That's awesome. I'd like to give a round of applause to a team that managed to compile the third lowest game point total for any team in any game since THE SHOT CLOCK WAS INTRODUCED. That was 54 years ago. A team that couldn't come out to play, because they had already done that once this month.

"We left everything in Milwaukee," Miami Heat head coach Pat Riley said. "We just didn't have enough firepower, enough manpower."

Damn right you didn't have enough manpower, you had like 10 DNP's. Congratulations to a team that scored 10 points in the second quarter, and 9 points in the fourth. Mapleleafadon swingman Joey Graham tied Miami's point total in the fourth by himself, which is awesome because Joey Graham is average. Which even further cements the point that Miami is below average. The icing on the cake? Udonis Haslem is now shut down for the year; he'll have surgery to repair a bone spur in his ankle, which sounds like it feels really great. So to sum the whole thing up:

Joey Graham > Miami Heat


ConanTheLibrarian said...

Riley is such a moron. I can't wait to see them get Beasley and STILL stink.

Black and Blue Jor said...

I think Riles will actually stay around if they get Beasley. Anything less and he's out of there quicker than you can say "Jerry West bailing on Memphis"