Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Oh Yeah...This Sounds Like A GREAT Idea!

If I were to break my foot, and my career and millions and millions of dollars rested upon it healing correctly, what would I want to do?

You guessed it: I'd get massages and consume wheelbarrows full of Ginseng!

I bring this up because one person who apparently is following this line of thinking is Yao Ming, who (following surgery) will reportedly use traditional Chinese healing methods. Not rehab. Not high-tech medicines and machines. T-Mac's "IT'S ON ME!" speech may as well just play on loop during Rockets games from here on out.

This is big business for the Chinese government (who love to give free press to things it exports), and big-time armpit sweat stains under Rockets management. I imagine a Rockets front office guy, wearing a cowboy hat and a giant foam "We're #1" finger, hearing this and yelling, "Accu-what? Accu-PUNCTURE?! They stick NEEDLES in yer FACE? Aww helllllll no!" Let the record state this is what I envision everyone in Texas looks like, which I will believe until proven otherwise.

I know, I know...many of you fancypants new-wave people will be quick to point out the healing abilities of Chinese medicine. To these people I say that you haven't popped your heads into the same shops in Chinatown as me apparently. Here is a typical photo of one of the products for sale in a traditional Chinese market in Chinatown:

How would you like to see that on your physician's table, next to the tongue depressors? Looks like somebody tried a get-rich-quick "brain in a water cooler" scheme. I must have missed that Kool-Aid flavor as a kid.

Here's another traditional Chinese medicine medicine. I'm not joking on this one either:

Yep, dried whole baby turtles. Isn't that what Mary Poppins sang you'd need a spoonful of sugar to help go down? Somewhere Splinter getting his ass kicked by the Foot Clan with no backup.

Yao might not be using these particular medicinal solutions, but the possibility of them should make TMac worry enough to even have his eyes face in the same direction. All things considered, we're wishing Yao a safe recovery. Watercoolers of brains for everyone!

3 comments:

Yao Lova said...

The annual Yao injury is starting to annoy me because it would be really fun to see this team at its full potential.

Hopefully those turtles cure him. I say feed him 20.

Goo Goo said...

So THAT'S what happened to Isiah's brain!

The Sports Hernia said...

Come on Yao, just put some Robitussin on it.