Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Rick Carlisle Is The Coach Your Team Needs

While we've tried to ignore the rumors, we have to stay we're ecstatic over the possibility of friend of the site Rick Carlisle coaching in the NBA again. The New York Post has him on the short list of coaches that will likely return to coach a team next year, and more specifically the Bulls seem to be the party most interested.

Getting another coaching chance would be fantastic for Carlisle (pictured above, with Anubis Taylor), but more importantly it would be great for us. It has long been my dream to enact a puppet presidency of sorts with an NBA coach, and Carlisle is just the stand up type of gentleman that we need to carry out what enters our evil little skulls.*

Just picture it: Joakim Noah starts mouthing off to the rest of the Bulls squad again behind his frizzy lunch lady hair and disrupts team chemistry. What happens? That's right: He gets forced to line up in front of Kirk Hinrich's grandmother for approximately 10-15 kicks to the groin. We deem it so.

Then what if the team goes on a 10 game losing streak, seeming unmotivated and absent-minded? No problemo! Don't give empty threats like "team suspensions" and "decreased playing time", Rick. We'll just tell them that unless they do better we'll give their home addresses to our creepy uncle who likes to stalk people and looks exactly like Benjamin Franklin.

He eats people's faces, by the way.

I'm not saying any of these solutions will work, but they certainly will make things a hell of a lot more interesting. Plus, Isiah Thomas has set the bar so low that as long as we don't sexually harrass/abuse anyone and make white people into villains, we're doing our job pretty damn good.

So c'mon, Rick. For our sakes and yours, get hired so we can start having fun.

*Author's Note: Our skulls our actually quite large, and women like to caress them. I don't really get it, but I don't try to stop it either.

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