Senile Old Man Told He'll Be Coaching The University of North Carolina Circa '82

A press conference is scheduled this afternoon to announce that the 67 year old coaching legend, Larry Brown, will be the next coach of the Charlotte Bobcats. It's possible that Brown seeks to bring the excitement and excellence of Carolina collegiate basketball to the pro level, but it is more likely that part-owner, Michael Jordan, showed up to the interview dressed as an 18 year old and asked Brown why he should choose to play at UNC.

Brown's contract reportedly includes incentives for oatmeal, Dannon's Activia Yogurt, a special rocking chair on the bench, and a dismantling of the USSR. Don't believe that the Great One would stoop to such lows? Count the amount of times they substitute "Bobcats" for "Carolina Basketball" in today's press conference!