Tuesday, December 4, 2007

America's "Case Of The Mondays"

Announcement: First of all, congrats to Sly The Fox on winning "Atlantic Division's Creepiest Mascot" and moving on to round 2 of the Creepiest NBA Mascot Tournament. Congrats Sly...you are one step closer to haunting the dreams of America's children.

I don't care if you got a promotion or won a million dollars, Monday provided two counts of indesputable proof that life isn't fair on Mondays:

First off: Monday Night Football kicked America in the nuts. The Patriots, as everyone knew they were going to, came back to beat the Baltimore Ravens at the last second. I contend that the one thing worse than watching a perfect, rather evil team come back and win is KNOWING they will do so about 3 quarters beforehand. -And you wonder why we choose to follow the NBA and have an unnatural hatred in Boston Celtics articles...


Secondly: As Pardon The Interruption pointed out on Monday, America had those same nuts grabbed and twisted with the knowledge that beady-eyed hairy guy Marko Jaric (below) is somehow dating Victoria Secret model Adriana Lima (above). While on one hand you have to do a golf clap for the apparent immensity of Jaric's Dirk Diggler (he had to get her somehow), you also have to shake your head at the stupidity of models. This girl could have anyone, and yet is attracted to a bench player whose own team appears to not want him anymore. You could practically see her turning him down, then Jaric saying, "Hairy backs are the new "in" thing!", and him reaping the rewards. While it is true that "dumb models make the world go 'round", it is also true that "every time a bell rings Marko Jaric plows into Adriana Lima".

That is a most unsettling thought for you to take with you through the holidays, dear reader. (My doorbell just rang as I wrote that) DAMN, Marko!

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