Friday, December 7, 2007

The NBA's Creepiest Mascot Tourney: Rd 1 - Central Division

Its long been argued that basketball is by far the most enjoyable of the major pro sports to watch in a live setting. Not only can you can get a true perspective of the players' size and athleticism, but you're constantly entertained during all dead-ball situations by the dancers, party music, t-shirt cannons, jumbotrons, contests, and most importantly the mascots. Most people tend to either sit on either of the extreme ends of the love/hate table when it comes to mascots, but I simply have a deep-seated childhood fear of anyone in a giant suit. Basically, the Easter Bunny at the mall was my scary clown. Thus, THF is proud to bring you a bracket-style tournament, where only one will emerge as The NBA's Creepiest Mascot.

Round 1 - Central Division

Hooper (Detroit Pistons)
Seriously? Detroit, the home of Motown and knife fights, brings us a mascot that looks like a Hannah-Barbera character whose patented candy bars look like hobo diarrhea. NEXT!

Boomer and Bowser (Indiana Pacers)
After binges of ether, peyote, and absinthe in '91 and '01, Boomer and Bowser were born. Little known facts: Boomer regularly drinks his own piss and Bowser sprinkles crack cocaine on his cereal.

Bango (Milwaukee Bucks)
Bango is Rudolph's mentally retarded cousin who's mother drank heavily while pregnant. He is an absolutely a die-hard Bucks fan, but it's hard to rev up the crowd when he's constantly getting distracted by someone dangling their keys or by the fat guy in those perplexing High Life ads (above).

Moondog (Cleveland Cavaliers)
Named after the guy who coined the phrase "rock n roll," Moondog has the face of your girlfriend's dog that won't stop humping your leg. An issue that went unreported in the Cavs/Varejao negotiations was that Anderson wanted a guarantee from the team that Moondog would keep away from his legs, which were rubbed completely raw by the finals last year.

Benny the Bull (Chicago Bulls)
It's not hard to say that watching the Bulls play this year is a little sore on the eyes. Thank god for Benny and his massive head. His constantly moving bobble head draws your eyes away from the lack of enjoyable basketball and Skiles' hideous comb-over. At first it's entertaining. By the end of the third quarter, you're cowering in the corner thinking that Benny's going to run right through your wall and stampede your ass.

So who's the creepiest in the Central Division?
Boomer and Bowser
Benny the Bull free polls


Black and Blue Jor said...

I went with Moondog because of the completely bizarre tonsils part of his entry.

If I saw that when I was a kid I would have thought every dog was trying to steal my tonsils. It would have caused me to automatically kill every dog I saw.

Anonymous said...

Boozer gets extra points for falling apart.

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