Come Get Your Smush Parkers! Selling Smush Parkers Here!

The Miami Herald, my favorite publication to read when I need to talk myself off of a ledge as a Dolphins fan, previously said that Miami is actively looking to trade Smush Parker (seen on the right, getting his junk grabbed).

This comes as no surprise as Smush was banned from the team following an altercation, and when he did play his moves (or lack therof) looked like that clip of Jean Claude Van Damme dancing in a leotard in that breakdancing movie he did.

What DOES surprise people is that somehow it seems there are teams interested in his services. These teams include Cleveland, Boston, Houston, and Golden State, at least according to the Herald and Pat Riley (so chances are it is bogus).

You take a look at that list and the first thing that jumps out at you is Cleveland's interest. After foolishly going with Larry Hughes, a move that looked like a bad idea at the time and wound up playing out that way, this interest looks similar. Cleveland is like that friend you have that keeps getting in bad relationship after bad relationship and you just watch from afar with a wince as it happens. Even though you say to him, "I dunno about that chick dude...she keeps downing shots and calling out people at the bar", he keeps saying, "Nah, man, it's cool. She's just having a bad day. This girl is the one man, I'm telling you. She is the ONE!" When he comes crawling back to you and says that she slept with someone else/killed a guy/turned out to be a guy, all you can do is be there for him. Hopefully the Cavs don't buy Smush a drink.

In regards to the Celtics, they are the Patriots of the NBA (both in talent and hatred levels) and with their needs for a backup PG they could somehow find a way to spin Smush into gold. I'm convinced a wizard cast a spell to make all Miami teams bad and all Boston teams good. If you don't believe me, just take a good look at the standings in all the major sports this year. It's CRAZY! If Boston could turn a dim bulb like Big Baby Davis into a huge sparkplug off the bench in his rookie year (which he has been this season), you know they have magic. For further proof, look at his incredibly awesome profile photo of Big Baby on the left. The only thing that would make it cooler is if he had cookie crumbs on the side of his mouth.

As for the rest, I think Houston and Golden State are just some names Riles threw in there since they likely wouldn't get Smush unless the asking price was basically free. Western conference = a tad more skepticism when talking about shit NBA guards.

Regardless, we wish the best to Smush on his NBA (or NBA Developmental League) travels. If an 8-23 team thinks you aren't good enough, you KNOW they're someone stupid enough to pick you up.

-You know somewhere Isiah Thomas read that last sentence and just rubbed his hands together. Get er' done, Zeke.