Friday, December 7, 2007

Lebron Is That Moustached Monopoly Guy

Forbes Magazine released its list of top-earning young sports figures and Lebron James was squarely at the top. He earned 27 million dollars in one year's time, a figure that makes even the richest person do a little nod of appreciation before going back to banging the chambermaid.

While some people might be surprised that an NBA star tops this list considering all of the money floating around in other sports, consider the other names on the list:

#2) Reggie Bush: A guy who is all hype and no power. Every sports media outlet in America right now is debating how a guy with so much promise could produce such meager numbers in the NFL. He also has that whole "parents are douchebags and he might lose his collegiate awards" thing to deal with.

#3) Maria Sharapova: The leggy blonde who was once upon a time really, really hot, but then got big enough to actually have the camera zoom in on her and reveal a somewhat attractive girl. She also has THE most monotone, zombie-esque voice in the world (If you don't believe me, you obviously haven't heard "Make every shot...a power shot" in glorious monotone fashion).

#4) Michelle Wie: Huh? How is she even on this list? I don't see her in any commercials and she flat out sucks ass at golf. On a side note, I think she actually is pretty hot, but for some reason no one else in the media has made any mention of this. When trying to figure that one out, one day I made the realization that with short hair she would sorta look like the guy in "Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle". Needless to say, I spent the rest of that day I spent shivering uncontrollably and trying to fling myself out of 6-story windows.

So when you consider some of the other names involved, you almost wonder why Lebron isn't making TWICE as much as the other scrubs. After all, he isn't involved in any scandals and actually seems like a pretty nice guy.

Wait...there's your answer right there. Someone get Amy Winehouse's agent on the phone.
Note: The photographer who took that photo of Lebron featured above is named "John Kuntz". Say a silent prayer and smile over the weekend that your childhood wasn't as hard as that guy's had to be.

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