No One Puts Tony Parker In The Corner

I think that's the way the line from Dirty Dancing goes...but I could be wrong.

As Anubis Taylor posted a while back, Tony Parker was in some deep doo doo for allegedly sleeping with a model named Alexandra Paressant. The story had some funny aspects as it painted Eva Longoria as a sperm-hating cold fish in the sack, and painted loveable Tony Parker as yet another - gasp - promiscuous athlete.

Well, as you might expect, some actual magazines got involved (namely People Magazine...not to say a magazine reporting called "X17 Online" isn't reliable. It sounds like a magazine for robots). People found out that not only was Alexandra lying about sleeping with Tony Parker...

Drumroll...

Wait for it...

She never even met him! Apparently, the photos printed that showed Parker with Alexandra were actually Parker with another model who LOOKS like Alexandra. On top of that, the only thing she had going for her was that she used to date horse-faced soccer star Ronaldinho, and now they're saying she never did that either.

Wow, I knew there were lots of batshit crazy women out there but it takes a special breed of messed up wench to claim that they are someone else in a photo. I pity the foo that winds up with her longterm, gorgeous as she might be.

This brings us to the true moral of this crazy story: No matter what crazy obstacle pops up, there is just no denying that Tony Parker somehow has the best life of anyone in our lifetimes (who isn't named Tom Brady). I'm convinced that he stumbled across a genie somewhere along the line. How else do you explain multiple NBA titles, dating Eva Longoria, somehow becoming a bigger star than Tim Duncan despite putting up smaller numbers, being so well off you can actually deny ever having had sex with supermodels like Alexandra, and doing it all while you are (let's be brutally honest here) one of the most weird looking ugly guys on the NBA floor. I mean sure he is a nice guy and is talented, but those things can only get you so far. Throw in the fact that most native Frenchmen smell like either a) cigarettes or b) a sewer and you can color me stumped.

Still, we must be under the spell too as we love our Tony and are glad to hear he cleared his name. Also good to see Alexandra Paressant is back in the gutter where she belongs...making lots of money as a model...with increased exposure from this story...d'oh!