Thursday, November 8, 2007

David Stern Bends The Fabric Of Space And Time To Screw Seattle

David Stern must read this site.

Not only is this the case because someone has been drunkenedly emailing the site lately, demanding round-the-clock Knicks coverage (as well as making odd references to his synthetic balls), but also because Stern's words today are in direct reference to us betting Seattle would get a franchise soon after the Sonics left like Charlotte did.

Today David Stern came out and said, "I too shit upon Seattle" by proclaiming from on top of a mountain that Seattle would be screwed long term if they allow the Sonics to leave. Apparently he was scorned by the city giving all of their money to their baseball and football franchises.

If there is one thing that I have learned as a 6 foot 5 guy, it is never...EVER...screw with a guy that has "short man's disease".

The best part of Stern's words? Apparently he will do everything possible to ensure that the city never has another NBA team for ALL OF ETERNITY. This time estimate comes directly from the article:

NBA commissioner David Stern warned Thursday that if the SuperSonics leave Seattle he sees no way the league would ever return to the city. "I'd love to find a way to keep the team there," he said, "because if the team moves, there's not going to be another team there, not in any conceivable future plan that I could envision, and that would be too bad."

2 years? That is bad.

10 years is even worse.

-But to say that he doesn't think a team will EVER return to Seattle is insane and somehow makes me respect David Stern more than ever before.

Obviously Stern has a plan in motion to somehow jump through time to police the NBA in the future, much like the television show "Quantam Leap" or the movie "Time Cop" with Van Damme. I envision an apocolyptic land of the future, where terrorists have blown up half of the world and criminals run everything. Sure, people might get killed and beaten and hundreds of thousands will lose their lives (no doubt as a result of the Future Dragons, which shoot lasers out of their eyes)...but on the bright side there will never be an NBA team in Seattle with David Stern around.

This thought lets me sleep better at night.

On the other hand, I could be completely wrong. There also exists the chance that David Stern is The Highlander.


Doctor Dribbles said...

What? I kind of lost you halfway there. Still, David Stern proves yet again: Don't mess w/King Kong.

Black and Blue Jor said...

Haha, with the King Kong comment it sounds like you got the message perfectly!