Slow News Day? RODMAN TO THE RESCUE!

When the top story in the NBA is that a backup forward averaging 1.1 points will miss three weeks due to injury, you know you it's been a quiet day in the news.

Thank GOD for Dennis Rodman.

Dennis Rodman is getting sued by a woman, claiming he "smacked her ass so hard it left a mark". Apparently Rodman walked into the Hard Rock Casino and gave her a love tap on the butt to show his affection, one of his many staple moves.

So did Rodman deny it? Did he claim he was trying to swat a fly on her butt? Did he blame it on someone else or say it was a clone?

Of course not! In true Rodman-esque fashion, his defense as of now is, "Let's just have a good time!"

Only three people in this world can get away with such a defense: Isiah Thomas, 1970's-era Burt Reynolds and Dennis Rodman. Since Isiah Thomas recently lost a sexual harrassment case and Burt Reynolds' career is completely in the shitter, this leaves only Dennis to carry on the ass-slapping in America.

Fear not. While I am firmly against ANY non-consentual touching, I think Rodman will win this case.

Apparently at the time the woman in question bragged about Rodman touching her bottom, and decided to wait OVER A YEAR AND A HALF after the incident to press any sort of charges. Most analysts believe the case will be thrown out because it is very obvious the woman is attempting to cash in (from Dennis Rodman? Does he even have any money anymore or is it all in wedding dresses at this point? This woman must only read newspapers from the 1990s).

Time will tell if Rodman can avoid any legal action to live to smack another day, but we'll stay on top of this case. If that woman's bottom hasn't healed after a year and a half, I might actually have nightmares of Rodman's hand tonight.