Were You Drunk And In Costume? Here's Your Opening Night Recap

THE NBA SEASON IS HERE...YOU KNOW...FOR ALL THE TEAMS NOW!

We had lot of questions this offseason that needed answering:

1) Is Cleveland really going to be THAT bad this season?

2) Do the Magic have a legitimate shot at being a contender this year?

3) Are the Nets done?

4) Will this be the season the Spurs finally look beatable?

5) Will Kevin Durant ever pass?

If last night's exciting opening night was any indication, we were on the road to getting them answered:

1) Yes

2) Yes
3) No

4) Yes

5) Durant: "Passing? Is that like shooting at another person and not at the hoop? Never heard of it."

Let's start with the game that everyone was hyping the most: Cavs vs Mavs. This game was over in the first quarter as Dallas outscored Cleveland by 14 early on. After that, it was one titanic stomach-churning realization that this Cavs team will be on television every waking hour and are really awful to watch when Lebron isn't hitting his shots. Mavs won 92-74.

The game yours truly was watching (I did my Halloween partying this past Saturday) was the Magic-Bucks. A revamped Magic team playing against the biggest question mark in the league in Yi was too good to pass up. This game actually was back and forth until the 3rd quarter, when the Magic hit almost everything they threw up from the three point line and lept from being down 1 to being up by 20. Rashard looked amazing, the Magic demolished the Bucks, and the Orlando looked like a team befitting being called THF's pick to win the Southeast. In the end Magic won 102-83.

They may have sat up angrily from their recliners and yelled at the neighborhood kids for being on their lawn, but the Nets still have what it takes as they played the Bulls well. They played an extremely good game against the team every sportswriter in the world picked for Eastern Conference champ this year in the Bulls. Memo to the sportwriters: If the team is making a wacky attempt to get Kobe Bryant, they aren't sold on their roster being good enough. As Ron Burgandy said, "It's science." Nets won in overtime, 112-103.

As for the routine killer of NBA ratings (Which I proudly contribute to. They are boring as hell), the Spurs had the new-look Grizzlies gave them a run for their money last night. Memphis is a hot team to pick this year for getting back to the playoffs given their new coach in Mike Iavaroni, a healthy Pau Gasol, and the grooming of promising picks Rudy Gay and Mike Conley. Sure enough they looked pretty good out there and had a lead at the end of the game. That Grizzly with the glowing yellow eyes got into their minds and told them to keep fouling Ginobili at the end, a huge no-no. Darko looked like a turd out there tonight. Spurs won 104-101.

In the late game, it was time to view the THF pick for Rookie Of The Year and All-Emaciated Team Member in Kevin Durant's Sonics against the Nuggets. For fantasy basketball teams, he had a pretty good all around night, but for anyone watching the game it was quickly learned that Durant does not like passing. Even the sportscasters were saying, "He's trying to do it all himself, and doesn't seem to realize that involves getting his teammates the ball." FINALLY, what we were waiting for. As Jesus was the physical manifestation of God's love (or something like that), Kevin Durant appears to be the physical manifestation of TMac's "It's on ME!" speech. Man, I love the NBA. Nuggets won 120-103

As for the rest:

Raptors beat the 76ers 106-97: Bargnani looked great, TJ Ford's back reports no problems, 76ers lose their first of what will be 80 straight games.

Pacers beat the Wizards 119-110 in OT: Agent Zero hits a buzzer beater three to send this game into overtime, but the Wiz still can't overcome Caron Butler's attempts to lose this game for them (He had 8 turnovers).

Hornets beat the Kings 104-90: Those 3 people watching this one were treated to Chris Paul shredding Sactown for 22 points and 12 assists. Sorry, Brad...the cornrows were not good luck.