Thursday, November 15, 2007


Kobe Bryant waived the Pistons into negotiations like George Costanza into a soup kitchen. He let them order, allowed them to slide down to the cashier, and just as they went to pay, he yelled, "NO TRADE FOR YOU!"

The trade the Lakers and Pistons agreed upon today would have sent Tayshaun Prince, Rip Hamilton, Amir Johnson and a first round pick to the Lakers for Kobe Bryant. This would have paired Kobe with Rasheed Wallace, beginning what can only be seen as preliminary groundwork for some sort of "All-Unlikable" team in the NBA.

'Twas not to be, howeva, as Kobe used his No Trade Clause to veto the trade. Dontcha just hate those?

To many, this vetoing on Kobe's part makes little sense. Kobe would have fulfilled his wish of getting talented teammates in Chauncey Billups, Jason Maxiell, and Rasheed Wallace. Plus he gets to play in the easier Eastern Conference. The Lakers also would have gotten some quality playmakers in Tayshaun and Rip, and would have had a draft pick to boot. Makes no sense why it would be turned down by Kobe, right?

To me, this makes complete sense. A lot of people hopped all over Kobe's trade talk and acted like it was going to happen any day. We at THF sat back and said, "Nah. Kobe's a bitch. He's just posturing because he needs spotlight and really has no intention of leaving Los Angeles. It probably makes him super upset that the Lakers called his bluff this time actually." We then lit cigars with crisp $1000 dollar bills (or "Grovers" as we like to call them).

The fact that such a perfect trade for everyone was vetoed should clue society to the obvious notion that Kobe's primary motive is, and has always been, self-publicity. Think about it. He turned down what would have been great trades with the Bulls and Mavericks in favor of what? The amazing privilege to play with Vlad Radmanovic?

One of the many reasons that I can't stand Kobe as a person (he is a great player), is that unlike other publicity hogs like Chad Johnson and Roger Clemens, Kobe demands the spotlight at the expense of other people. He screws over teammates (See ya, Shaq), his organization, his hometown fans, and now other teams garnering his services, all so that he can be the guy on the front of the papers. It's childish, it's extremely detrimental to his relationship with those around him, and the bottom line is that Kobe couldn't give two shits about how it affects anyone. It's his life and he will lead it the way he wants to lead it.

As a fan of an Eastern Conference team (I'd get the Magic logo tattooed on my forehead if it didn't mess with my monumental modeling career), I am happy to see Kobe is staying West for now. Unlike Ray Allen and KG on the Celtics, who are 7-0 as I write this, The Black Mamba simply doesn't have the humility to play with anyone who is near his level and be happy. It's masochistic and selfish. It's Self-o-chistic!

To those Pistons fans hoping for Kobe, and those Lakers fans hoping to be rid of him, I feel your pain. It's like someone just gave you a christmas present and ripped it out of your hands.

Maybe he'll make up for it with some jewelry! You can cure any misdeed with jewelry right?

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