New-Look Celtics Debut Tonight: Get Out Your Earplugs

The day has finally come: the day when a news story had the coolest title ever.

-But also, the day has come to see what the new look Celtics team actually looks like on the court.

Part of me really wants to watch this, especially with Gilbert Arenas and the promising Wizards on the card, and part of me really, REALLY doesn't. Why wouldn't I want to watch this game, you ask? Because every year an NBA team comes out that gets slobbered over (or "slurped" as the PTI guys put it), and tonight's game will be the epitome of it.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, here is a handy dandy preview of how the announcers will be calling throughout the game:

The Celtics score a basket, and are leading in the game: "WOW! Look at this team! They look unstoppable! In a weak East, these guys could do some DAMAGE! Just look at the smiles on their faces!"

or

The Celtics completely suck ass, doing everything wrong and losing the game by 40 points: "Well, this team just needs time to gel. With so many pieces added, you know they will get it together and find a way to win. They still are the top team in the East in my eyes. Really just an unheard of combination of talent."

If you can imagine an entire game of that, nonstop, with little sprinkles of mentioning the other players, you can imagine my concern. If Bill Walton is calling the game, just put an axe in your forehead right now and save yourself the trouble.

This game does present an interesting opportunity: The Wizards might be mentioned so infrequently, there is a golden chance to make a drinking game out of it. Any time a member of the Wizards gets spoken about longer than in passing, you drink.

For example: "Arenas with the basket" in a monotone voice in between conversations about Paul Pierce's green headband does NOT count.

On second thought, there could very well be some angry, very sober people writing me after the game, so nix that idea.

Maybe play another game: Every 100 times the Celtics are gushed over you change the channel.

Hopefully they aren't on the other stations too. Paul Pierce probably won't be in the nonstop discussion about the Heisman vote on ESPNews.

Or WILL he?

On a side note...wow...talk about finding a perfect photo for what I said. (Pats himself on the back)