Miles: Where's The Booze and Ice Cream? And I'm Ready

The last remaining member of the famed Jailblazers, Darius Miles, reminded everyone that he's still under contract when he told the Portland Tribune that he's ready to return to the team and ruin the much publicized chemistry that's been made during his absence.

It's up to (team officials) now. I can play. I can practice any day they practice. There's no pain in the knee. I'm ready to go.

It's hard to tell, but I think he feels ready.

For those female fans of mine who visit the website to (REMOVED BY JORDAN) while imagining me reading to you, you might remember Miles as the East St. Louis hoops star who failed to receive a qualifying SAT score to attend St John's and ended up playing a hoops star who fails to receive a qualifying SAT score to attend St John's in the Scarlett Johansson film, The Perfect Score. And he loves Baskin-Robbins.

Not ringing a bell? Think that maybe I'm just being too harsh on the guy and that he's only going to help this team's championship aspirations? Let me pull up a quote given to the The Oregonian in 2006 that's coincidentally tattooed on my massive biceps:

Yeah, you probably smelled liquor on me before. But it's not like I'm at practice drunk. I'm totally focused. I don't care if you come to practice and take shower, once you go to practice and start sweating, its going to come out. That doesn't mean you aren't focused or ready to practice. Like you might go out, you might get drunk, and come to the gym higher than a mother, and you sweating, you smell like liquor, and you interviewing everybody. What does that mean? You still 100 percent focused. That's just ridiculous. Ask any other team, little petty stuff like that, if you ask any other coach in the NBA if they smell liquor on a player, any coach would say, every year. Some players go out in every city they go to.

If not Miles then, I hear Pippen's available....