Tuesday, January 29, 2008

We're Playing The Heat? Tell KG and Ray Ray To Take The Night Off

Some games you go into with the feeling that the game will be a tight, back and forth grudge match, where the best team will be decided with a shot at the buzzer.

Yeah, soooooo...this was not one of those games.

Tuesday night the Boston Celtics "played" the Miami Heat, a game that most people figured they knew the outcome of before it even began. To counteract this, Boston decided to at least make it HALFWAY interesting by telling a sick Ray Allen he had the night off and giving KG another night to recover from some strained abs. Surely Miami, with Wade, Haslem and Jason Williams, would be able to make it halfway interesting against a team featuring Brian Scalabrine and Tony Allen?

Not a chance. These days if you pitted Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Miami Heat jersey against a pile of dog shit in a Celtics Jersey, the dog excrement would kick him in the groin like that kid did in Kingergarten Cop.

The Celtics SPANKED the Heat by 30 points, even with Paul Pierce being held scoreless for much of the first half. Miami was owned by the likes of Leon Powe (25 points) , Rajon Rondo (23), Tony Allen (20), and Eddie House (20). The only guy who even seemed to make an effort on Miami was former Celtic Mark Blount, who had 20 points. I envision Blount using every opportunity between each of his game-high free throws to whisper, "Hey, so can I come back? You don't even have to pay me. Just get me the hell out of here."

I'd call this the low point in the Heat's season, but there's just SO much time left and SO much further to fall. This isn't going to be like the John Travolta E! True Hollywood Story, where the main character finds a revival in his career and things end peachy despite the dip in production. This is going to be more like the Leif Garrett Behind The Music, where the Miami Heat wind up crying to some old guy in a wheelchair, apologizing for getting in that car wreck that left him paralyzed. Who knows what the basketball equivalent of this is. My guess: Udonis Haslem found dead in his apartment with a nude Pat Riley shivering in the corner and mumbling something about, "It being the only way to get another ring."

I say next game just toss the Miami Heat dancers out there and at least give the fans something entertaining to watch.

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