Rantin' John: Pippen & Mr. Submarine

Few people can provide good basketball commentary like our good friend Rantin' John, longtime friend of the THF crew.

I've often thought that if Rantin' John and Gordon Ramsey were in a room together, you would see Gordon crying hysterically as John yelled at him that "THE RISOTTO IS UNDERCOOKED!" and "THE WELLINGTON IS RAWWWW!" You just can't hold a candle to him.

Intros really do nothing though. Take it away, R.J...

-Black and Blue Jor
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A new year, same old shit.

However this has brightened my outlook in ways unimaginable:


There are a couple things I love about this. First, the laughably bad production values and line reading. Second, the wholly unsubtle gigantic phallus-shaped submarine sandwich with all its dripping lustful innuendo. "This is one 6-footer (sic. this giant fucking dick) I can't handle one on one, come on girls, let's have a party"....with the clear implication that this impromptu meeting on the b-ball court will blossom into a three-way orgy interspersed with grade-F sliced delicatessen cold cuts.

Then to follow all that up with an image of Pip and the ladies eating sandwiches on the floor mid-court.....amazing.

And I can't even put into words the end, where Scottie Pippen, easily one of the greatest players of the 90's DUNKS a submarine sandwich.

How can you top that?

Oh yeah, by including an inexplicable "payment due" card being put on a desk from a following commercial, as if to highlight all of Pippen's horribly misguided financial dealings over the years, including this wonderful commercial.