Friday, January 4, 2008

Finding Ways To Make The Pistons Watchable Again

First off, thanks to True Hoop for the mentioning us the other day. TH (not to be confused with THF) one of the best sites out there, ladies and gents. Check it out.

Look at that photo above. Even Flip seems bored by his team these days.

The Detroit Pistons are doing something impressive: They're so HIDEOUSLY difficult to watch that barely anyone even realizes they have an 11 game win streak.

The Celtics, the Blazers...heck, even the boring ol' Spurs have been mentioned a ton this season as teams hot out of the gate, but you'd have to bribe someone to spend more than 5 minutes talking about the Pistons. It's not that they have boring players (Crazy Rasheed Wallace and all-emaciated team member Tayshaun Prince on the same team? That's must-see-tv). It's not that they have a boring coach (Flip Saunders a.k.a Sleepy Dwarf is the perennial loser in the playoffs that everyone is sorta hoping actually does something right). It's just that their brand of team ball and emphasis of fundamentals make them look more like a well-coached AAU team than an NBA squad that could wow audiences with dunks and theatrics.

With this in mind, I have a few suggestions for the Pistons to get their media coverage back on track:

1) Unleash the Sheed - The Pistons were never more of a subject of discussion than when Rasheed Wallace was going nuts and headbutting officials. You couldn't keep them off of Sportscenter on a given day. I say the Detroit PR people throw a few pills in Sheed's gatorade and watch him crack open another person's jaw like King Kong did to that dinosaur.

2) Decorate the masks Rip Hamilton wears - Normal Richard Hamilton? A clear plastic mask that sorta makes him look like a burn victim. Bo-ring. Richard Hamilton with a V for Vendetta mask? Instant ratings...and ridiculously overhyped ratings (You guys really thought that was a good movie? I mean really?).

3) Shoot Chris Webber at center court and turn him into glue - His knees are shot. His ability to perform at top speeds is long gone. He is no longer a promising mate (Tyra wouldn't even glance at him, even though she is chunky). It's time he joins Barbaro.

4) Go back to the ugly-ass teal and red horsie logo - Team zaniness starts at the logo (Bobcats, Hornets, Grizzlies anyone?) and I'm sorry but that red basketball just screams apathy. That last sentence is best read in a Project Runway Tim Gunn voice.

5) Move home games to the streets of Detroit - Kinda tough to be boring when you are dodging thrown bricks and "ability to loot electronics shops" is part of your rookie bio. There is also the outside chance mustard-shirt-stained Matt Millen will be seen, which is as big as celebrity sightings get.

Well...that's all I got. Detroit Pistons, heed my advice and make some changes, and maybe YOU'LL be lucky enough to be on the front page of the newspaper! -You know, until Kobe starts whining again.

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