Friday, February 1, 2008

Breaking News: Gasol To The Lakers? I Want Whatever Witchcraft The Celtics And Lakers Possess

The 2007-08 season is hereby christened "The Year of You have got to be KIDDING me! Trades".

Yes, in case you are just learning about it here, you are reading that right. The Lakers have acquired one of the best big men in the league for two (likely very, very late) future first rounders, a decent young guy in Crittenton, and a steaming pile of MJ-drafted dog poo.

This is the Celtics-Timberwolves trade all over again...actually, no, it's worse: It's like the end of the fantasy football season when that one jackass in your league decides that he won't make the playoffs and he'll just start dropping all of his best players. Usually the commissioner of said fantasy football league gives him the finger and locks all of his transactions...but this is the NBA. If you are a big name franchise you will have these things bounce your way. It's only a matter of time before the Bulls miraculously acquire Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh, and Gilbert Arenas for the rights to Joakim Noah's jockstrap.

Popular sports site RealGM grades the trade as an A- for the Lakers, and somehow actually gives the Grizzlies a B+ for getting an expiring contract.

I don't know...that sounds a bit off. Let's ask a normal joe what he thinks. What does friend of the site Rantin' John think of the trade, you ask?

What the f***? Kwame f***ing Brown for Pau Gasol?!?!? This is the second dubious "GM sends lopsided trade to former team" deal this year. Jerry West & Kevin McHale...rats. I think the door just slammed shut on Phoenix FOREVER. This is the Laker starting lineup: Derek Fisher, Kobe Bryant, Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol & Andrew Bynum...blech. I foresee 3 years of Lakers vs Celtics finals, meanwhile (as a Nets fan) I'll have to sit through Josh Boone and Marcus Williams for the next decade. Time to start shooting up chlorox bleach.
Make no mistake about it, this is a dark day in the NBA. It looks like at least a guaranteed 15 game improvement in the W column this year and a potential dynasty for one team while Memphis loses its only remaining two or three fans. On top of that, welcome back smug, in-your-face, all over the news Phil Jackson...ugh. On top of THAT, the only personality more cocky in sports than Tom Brady at the moment is Kobe Bryant and we're going to now see him smiling all over the place.

R.I.P Kobe's "pouty face" (seen right), welcome back Kobe's "sh*t eating grin" face (seen here).

If Brady wins the Super Bowl on Sunday and Kobe wins the NBA championship, that's gotta be in revelations somewhere as "the coming of the beast" or something.

A while back THF writer Anubis Taylor flirted with having the Grizzlies be his favorite team until me and some other people talked him off of the figurative ledge. Thank goodness that happened, because when a team scraps what good it has and makes the rich in the league richer, it really pisses off their fans. Somewhere Bryant Reeves just punched out his parole officer in frustration.

Ah well, no sense in getting too worked up as it is Friday and life is good. Such is the nature of sports, ladies and gents.


Yes Yes said...

I feel for Grizzlies fans, but empathize even more with the gerbil on the left. Obviously "life is not fair" after you've been in contact with Richard Gere.

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