Friday, February 29, 2008

Stephon Marbury BANNED! Madison Square Garden Attendance Goes From Two To One Person

Remember a while back when we reported that Stephon Marbury yelled about Isiah Thomas on the Knicks' team plane? If you want a refresher course, here are the elloquent words from Mr. Marbury:

"Isiah has to start me! I've got so much sh** on Isiah and he knows it! He thinks he can fu** me! But I'll fu** him first! You have no idea what I know!"
Well...all I can say now is that he must have known some pretty good stuff.

The New York Post reported today that the Knicks have placed a gag order on Stephon Marbury, preventing him to talk to the media AND have banned him from Madison Square Garden. They BANNED him, I say! That was the worst possible thing a city could do a person in the 18th century (not including dismemberment, drowning and being forced to marry the kings' ugly daughter).

Now, it's one thing to view a player as a detriment to the team and to tell him legal action will be brought against him for talking to the media...but to actually have a player banned from the home stadium makes this both laughable and super interesting all at once. What DOES Stephon Marbury actually have on Isiah? What did he do at this point to upset the Knicks? Will anyone even remember Stephon Marbury even exists one month from now? So many questions!

The biggest bit of intrigue to me is that Stephon Marbury is getting a gag order from the Knicks of all teams. No team has been more made fun of, more yelled at by their own fans, and more despised by their cities' media. The english language as a whole is even against them at this point. What could that team POSSIBLY hear from Stephon's lips that they haven't already heard? Arggg, more questions! Curse this infernal media gag order!

I only have three guesses at this point:

1) Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury, former friends, did some really no-no bad things with a girl at some point and Stephon is threatening to tattle. Think like Duke Lacrosse Team bad. Think the movie Very Bad Things bad. Would you be surprised if this was the info? Me either.

2) Isiah Thomas and James Dolan have a secret agreement that Stephon was told about. I call this the "Lost" theory, because like the television show, you're hoping there is SOME revelation at the end that explains everything. There has got to be some explanation as to how these two people are actually still employed.

3) Isiah Thomas is in fact the shapeshifting clown from the movie IT. This would at least explain the constant grinning. This is the most likely answer, and the one that keeps me up at night with a flashlight and a baseball bat.

1 comment:

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