Friday, February 8, 2008

My Brush With Death: Lakers v. Magic

There's your proof folks, J.J. Redick played Association Basketball tonight. However, the Wrath of J.J. was not enough, and the Magic fell to the Lakers, 117-113. J.J. was nothing short of Redickulous, finishing with with 2 points on 2-2 free throws, no field goals in 3 attempts, and 1 rebound in his 7 minutes of play. And you wonder why you haven't seen him all year! Although he did do something awesome, sharing a double technical foul with Sasha Vujacic, in a squabble that would've been the most fantastic fight ever. Orlando set a team record with their most points ever in a quarter with 44, in an action packed first quarter that saw them go 7 of 9 from three point range. It was all for naught though, as Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu eventually got in foul trouble, and Kobe was Kobe scoring 36 points, grabbing 10 rebounds, and dishing out 6 assists in a great showing that also saw Pau Gasol finishing with 30 points and 9 boards.

This wasn't the real story though folks, oh no. I'm a heckler. I have been told that I'm quite good at it, so I guess it's sort of a passion of mine. However, I'm not an ass, I don't usually curse (too much), especially when there's kids around, and I don't take ANYTHING personally, just like the players don't or shouldn't. I was ready to boo and heckle the various objects of my affection; Vladimir Radmanovic, Sasha Vujacic, and just to prove that I'm not a racist and I don't only hate Slavic people, Luke Walton. ESPECIALLY Luke Walton, I hate that tool. Saying that, know that I don't have a problem with Kobe Bryant. I actually like Kobe Bryant, he's one of my favorite players to watch. He's a special player; we all know that, and I respect the hell out of him.

Because of that, I don't heckle Kobe Bryant. Maybe I've given him a raz here or there, saying that he doesn't deserve Vanessa and she should come home with me, but that's because it's true, not because I don't like him. One thing about Kobe that's different from any NBA player I've ever seen is his fan base. They are rabid for him. They live and die by him. They support him through anything, and they never root against him. They are slaves to him, contractors working on his Death Star. I should've thought of this before I made a mistake, I decided to heckle him.

This dude behind us was the quintessential Kobe fan. He was hilarious through the first few quarters, chanting MVP when Kobe got to the line or made a play, and he sounded very large. Now I had been on fire all game, professing how I trusted my life to Keith Bogans, calling Hedo an All-Star, and yelling "you're so wack" at Luke Walton. We were behind about midway through the 4th, and Kobe got to the line, so I threw out a "Remember Colorado!" blast, and Bernie Mac behind us went bananas. Kobe of course made the shot because he shoots 84% from the line, and homeboy shouts,

"That Colorado sh** don't phase him, HE BEAT THAT CHARGE!"

Now my good friend Magic Man and I found this hilarious, because we know he beat the charge; he was on the court playing wasn't he? Apparently I thought it was 2003, because he still kept yelling about how Colorado was "old news" and "he beat that charge". He wasn't going to let me say something like that about "his boy". So the game then got more out of hand, and he kept yelling about this being "how the West was won" and how Kobe was "sending us home". Then when people started filing out of the arena, he asks why everyone's leaving cause the game's not over.

We were tempted to turn around and shake the guy's hand and congratulate him on the victory, but with the way the guy caught feelings over my heckle, you would think he was Jellybean Bryant himself. So we didn't, and we just left, lucky to be alive because he sounded like he was going to KILL me. So let this be a lesson folks, Kobe fans catch feelings over basketball. 24 is life, DO NOT heckle him. Oh and one more thing, Jonathan Silverman was at the game. We tried to start a Weekend At Bernie's chant, unfortunately to no avail. If any of you ever meet Jonathan Silverman, please apologize to him on my behalf; I should've done more.

1 comment:

Magic Man said...

One thing GL did not elaborate on was that Jonathan Silverman was the last "celebrity" shown on the Jumbotron during the game. The order went as follows: Tiger Woods (where was Elin dammit!!!), Chris Tucker (waiting for the Rush Hour 4 call and looking heavy), Rhea Pearlman of Cheers fame(sadly no Danny Devito), and then Silverman. So you see folks, even the Jumbotron Gods know the proper pecking order. I almost wanted the game to go into overtime to see what they could up with next. A "Real World" cast member? A key grip technican from the Dukes of Hazard? I guess we will never know.

A very strange game. A Redick AND Garrity sighting, the KOBE incident G.L referred to, Jonathan Silverman being recognized as a celebrity, and Van Gundy still going with the 7 man point guard rotation. I almost stopped at the local grocery store on the way home to pick up canned goods and water because I thought for sure the apocalypse was coming.